We All Make Our Beds and We Have To Lie in 'Em

• Kendall gets her damn heart, Josh Madden be damned.
• Erica "mourns" Josh by "weeping inconsolably."
• A"mam"da is preggers, and a "Baby-Daddy" mystery ensues. (And those mammaries will only get bigger as the pregnancy progresses. Yowza!)
• Something happens to InsAnnie where she "holds" Aidan's hand through a vent and Dr. Sinclair yells at her or something.

We're back to the AMC blues, baby. We're frustrated and not-so-hopeful. What will happen to our beloved AMC? To us? Cheer us up, darlings, here.

1/23/09 Podcast

Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right

• Josh Madden goes down, along with All My Children's ratings.
• In a shocking turn of events, Frankie figures out that Randi was a hooker!
• Reese and Boobianca patch things up with an air-kiss.
• Krystal goes cuckoo for Tic-Tacs on the stand!

We had so much fun answering your questions this week! Feel free to keep them coming, and share anything else that's on those beautiful minds of yours, here.

1/16/09 Podcast

I Think I Lust You

• That milk-'ho Krystal sleeps with David, and gets busted for it. (Hallelujah!)
• Amanda sleeps with J.R., and it this case, I'm glad we don't see it.
• Greenlee and Ryan slurp their way through the week, and it ain't pleasant.
• And a special mention to Opal, who gives the Performance of the Week as the Mother Lion protecting her cub, Tad.

We're so happy to be back this week, people! We thought it'd be fun to get as interactive as our not-so-technologically advanced equipment will allow. If y'all happen to have any questions for us, we'd be happy to answer (we think). If not, feel free to go on and post, well, anything else your little heart desires! Either way, do your thing as only you all do, here.

1/09/09 Podcast

Happy New Year!

Yowza, people! Almost 300 posts in the last two weeks!

Since I think we're running out of space on this blog entry, let's just make another entry, shall we? Your ass-toot comments blow us away, and we don't want to miss a-one.

Jordan and I will be back with a podcast up next Monday with oh-so-much to say about the holiday festivities (All My Children and otherwise). Thank you, thank you, thank you for supporting our little podcast this past year, and for all of the love and insight and friendship you have shared on this blog. We don't know what we would have done without you.

Enough sappiness! Krystal Carey -- grieving, confused mother, or lying cheating whoo-ah who doesn't deserve the crud on Tad's shoes? Discuss, here.

Now Who Will Lead Our Carnival?

Now who will lead our carnival? And who will make us stronger?
Who will mend our broken sleep when she is here no longer?

For who's part do we stand and bow? What stories do we tell?
And will we memorize the day when great and greatness fell?

Say will this valley overcome, and will these shadows fade?
And will we lift our eyes to see the beauty that she made?

The disappearing last of her that leads to worlds unknown
Has left a path to softly tread when sadness wanders home.

I'll meet thee where the highland winds divide wild mountain tyne,
Where I will be forever yours and you, forever mine.

This week was our Myrtle week. Though we were mixed on the tribute show last Friday, we were glad to see our great dame honored. But with the gaping hole our Myrtle has left, where will we find the heart of the show? Boobianca's sperm-stealing antics take her out of the running. So who will it be? Maybe a new executive producer will come to the rescue? Lots of rumors, folks, and we know you'll keep all of us posted here. (I know I'll be sure to check out Superposter's blog for all of the latest.)

Have a grand holiday, and we'll see you next year!

12/19/08 Podcast

My Milkshake is Better Than Yours

• Krystal is a 'ho for a mug of hot milk. (I love that line, Norn!)
• Why-oh-why can't Rebecca just die?
• Greens and Ryan continue to bore, whilst InsAnnie continues to delight.
• Brot and Taylor are doing their thing, while poor Jake turns into a misogynistic mess.

First of all, Luis gave us another bangin' PVP intro song -- muchas gracias, Luis! Secondly, I just read the spoilers for All My Children for 2009, and I'm pissed. These folks really don't give a shit about this show -- if you choose to read them, I'm sure you'll agree. What the hell do we do, people? Do a show every week complaining about how bad AMC is? You gotta help us here, folks. Jordan and I want to keep doing this podcast, but this is getting friggin' ri-dick! Help us, please!, here.

12/12/08 Podcast

We (Got) Back!

• You know it's a sad state of affairs when Cameron Mathison's thong is the highlight this week on our beloved All My Children.
• Brot just doesn't love Taylor anymore - so much so, that he's stalking her.
• Krystal is back to her old whorish tricks (and we're diggin' how psychotic it all is).
• Randi and Colby need to go. Period.

We're back! I've been missing y'all -- Jordan's been representin' on the blog, but I'm back now, and for a while until the holidays. Speaking of the holidays, ABC really is trying to get us all into the holiday mood. What would your holiday gift be to the viewers who watch All My Children? I know what my holiday wishes for the viewers would be, but I'd much rather hear yours. Spread your holiday cheer, people, here.

12/5/08 Podcast

Jeepers Creepers!

• David creepily manipulates Amanda.
• David creepily manipulates Krystal.
• Brot's mom reveals her creepy reasons for lying to Taylor (not to mention that she has creepy eyes).
• InsAnnie pulls the ultimate creepy move against Ryan (and I'm kind of glad).
• Jessie and Rebecca are just plain creepy.
• Colby is a creep, period.

I must warn you - the levels on the podcast this week are not good. I set my inputs levels too high by accident, and it gets pretty blown-out in spots. (What can I say, people? I don't got Jimmy Jam helpin' out!) I apologize in advance if I've hurt your ears. One other thing: do yourself a favor, and check out One Life to Live, if you can swing it. It isn't perfect, but it just feels real. Plus, they don't assault the viewer's intelligence on a daily basis. No to mention that they have actual adults on the show, and characters that have been there more than 10 years. Seriously. And all of them can act. They might not be the best lookin' crew, but who cares? Acting before beauty, we always say. (Plus, we ain't so perfect ourselves, if you can believe that.) Finally, whatever you do, please, please, please tell us what's going on in that big brain of yours. We'd love to know, here.

11/21/08 Podcast

You Take the Good, You Take the Bad

The good:

• Reeanca unlimited.
• Brot plus Taylor (but definitely minus Colby).
• Zach (finally) shedding a (manly) tear over his sleeping beauty.
• Aggie Nixon and the "All My Children" prayer.
• Anything Petey Cortlandt.

The (very) bad:

• Anything Cryan, Greenlee, and Aidumb.
• Erica and Adam making out.
• Jesse as a liar.
• Bianca as a liar.
• Colby as anything.

I just wanted to thank you all for your amazing posts whilst Jordan and I recuperated. I also want to give a special shout out to Luis, who continues to provide amazing PVP Theme Song Intros for us. (They are all his work and creation. You rock, Luis!) I don't have much more to add, because you all do it so well. So keep on with your bad selves, and do your thing like only PVP listeners do!, here.

11/14/08 Podcast

Another Week of Good News, Bad News

Let's do the bad news first.

Both Jordan and I had a bad week. I had the stomach flu, and Jordan caught a crazy bug as well. We're both feeling better, but neither one of us was up to a 'cast this week. So sorry to disappoint, but hopefully next week things will be looking up for both of us (and food will be staying down).

The good news? I was actually caught up in this past Thursday's and Friday's episodes! I mean, I didn't nod off once. I swear! Okay, well, maybe the Greenlee/Ryan/Aidumb appearances were an exception, but for the most part? Some real moments of greatness where I felt like, This is my All My Children. The Iraq vets support group? Astounding. Taylor and Jake? Great stuff, folks! Okay, fine - so some of Taylor's temper-tantrums weren't fun, but tell me you weren't crying when Taylor talked about making love to Brot! She's one hell of an actress, that Ehlers! Bianca and Reese? Steamy, people!!! Open-mouthed kissing and all! And Brot? OMFG - I cannot wait to see how this real-life vet blows us out of the water with his story!

I am still pissed about the Zach baby-daddy storyline, the "Jesse We Hardly Knew Ye'" crap, and I really don't know how much more I can take of Randi, Colby, or Carmen-as-hoochie-mama. Not sure these things are surmountable for me, unless they disappear. And I don't have much to say about Annie, because I'm not the fan that y'all are. (Plus, I know the end of the story, and it blows.)

Still, I'm watchin', and I'm so glad that you're still with me, listenin'.

Here's an old PVP eppy which includes mention of the Zarf support group scenes, which was also a golden AMC moment, IMHO.

And don't forget: we live for your comments, people. Keep the discussion going, here.

3/9/07 Podcast

"I'm All Cried Out... Over You."

(Read title caption to the tune of the famous ditty by Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam, and not with Bobbie Eakes portrayal of grieving momma in mind.)

• Krystal "mourns" the death of her daughter, Arabella Carey Chandler.
• David threatens everyone in town. (No wonder our resident Dr. Evil gets it wrong all the time. He lacks focus.)
• Binks gets engaged. (Shouldn't we care a little more about this?)
• Annie does not want to get the police involved in the search for her daughter. It's just not safe. Much better for an unarmed woman to bring $10 million bucks -- in cash -- in a sack -- to a dangerous kidnapper in the seediest part of town. Much safer.
• Kendall is still in a coma. And doing some of the finest acting we've seen on AMC all week. (Ouch. Harsh, right?)

Oh goodness! I wish I had been all caught up on your posts (instead of all cried out at the sinking of my show) before posting this podcast! I'm caught up now, and loving how you all keep it going. (Shadow and n69, you're giving me a run for my money! You boys have me rollin'!) These are troubled times for our show, although, funnily enough, the ratings seem to be holding -- for now. Keep the thoughts flowing here.

10/31/08 Podcast

These Eyes... Aren't Cryin'!

• Krystal says a (not so) tearful goodbye to Arabella Carey Chandler.
• Jake-gyver attempts brain surgery in the dark, and what do you know? It doesn't go so well.
• Ryan and Aidumb survive the tornado. Damn.
• Jesse and Angie are seemingly having communication problems.

It appears as if everyone in Pine Valley is either dead, in a coma, or seriously maimed. But why aren't we here at the PVP feeling the drama? You feelin' it? So far, the reviews are mixed. Help us figure it all out, and keep on hangin' on (as you always do) here.

10/24/08 Podcast

There's A(nother) Tornado in Pine Valley

(Except this one has better special effects.)

Oh, folks. I'm not gonna lie. I've been absent from both the 'cast and the blog this week. Ever since I saw TIIC turn Carmen into a caricature with her catfight with Erica on Wednesday, I haven't been the same. Almost stopped watching right then and there. But we made a commitment to you ("We Watch So you Don't Have To!"), and we're doing our best to keep that commitment. I will hang in this week, because I do think there will be some good, old-fashioned high stakes soap moments in the days ahead (not to mention the fact that I still love doing this podcast for you). So kick back, have a glass of chocolate milk, and give us your ass-toot opinions and commentaries (as you always do) here.

10/17/08 Podcast

P.S. - The Pine Valley Podcast offers our condolences to Laura, who lost her mother-in-law recently. Our best wishes to you and your family, Laura. We're thinking of you.

Somethin' Bad's a Comin'!

• Not sure if you all caught this, but apparently, something very, very bad will happen in Pine Valley. Soon. And it will end the world as we know it. (Didn't that happen in the real world last Monday, folks?)
• Jesse should be fingerprinted. Seriously. He's not our Jesse, folks. Sorry. Nope. It ain't him. Don't believe it. Not for one second.
• InsAnnie, Zach, Kendull, Cryan, Aidumb and Not-Very-Meanlee continue to make us seriously want to drive nails into our eyeballs.
• Petey was awesome!

Yikes. I'm afraid I was harsh this week, folks. It ain't gettin' better, people, and I'm nervous. Not about the tornado, mind you, but the ratings. That's the real cliffhanger! All we can do is try to keep a sense of humor about the whole thing. We hope you'll have a laugh with us, here.

10/03/08 Podcast

More Pancakes and Poetry (Really?)

• In a dazzlingly original display of sexual bravado, Greenlee paints her body in Aidumb's poetry. (We're serious. She does. And it's gross.)
• "Father-of-the-Year" Cryan Lavery makes (V-Tach-free) pancakes for Emma.
• Angie yells.
• Taylor cries.
• Kendull complains.
• Zach sulks.
• Petey scores!
• Randi... well, Randi doesn't do anything, really.

PVP founder and debonair commentator Taylor Crawford joins us this week as AMC chugs along under the direction of Chuckie Pratthole. Chuck is wrapping up old storylines while trying to expand some new ones. We're observing some hits, some misses, and some lost opportunities along the way. As our ass-toot bloggers have noted, history, TPTB, history! Just a little more, please! What else do you want more of? Tell us, darlings, here.

09/27/08 Podcast

Square Peg in a Round Hole

• Greenlee is so calm as to be comatose, and Kendall is someone we really don't even care about anymore.


• Petey gets electrocuted. (Huh? This better be Chuck Pratt's way of getting him to forget Colby!)


• Frankie attempts to comfort a D.B.T.E. Randi. (Actually, we couldn't tell she was sad, bless her heart).


• Annie and Petey continue to delight, but Jackson and Carmen still wanna make us hurl.

Seems like we have wildly divergent opinions, folk. Why are Jordan and I so not excited over recent developments? And as far as what's in the works? We are not amused by what we're hearing! What's your take? Give it to us straight, here.

09/19/08 Podcast

Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right

• Chuck Pratt undoes an "undone" abortion, but pretty much murders the character of Josh in the process.
• Angie and Frankie blow out the speakers on my high-definition television.
• Taylor and Jake and Amanda continue to delight.
• No Tad and Krystal, but less Colby, bless her heart!
• InsAnnie loses her baby, and Melissa Clare Egan gets to do what she does best. (We're loving it.)

I'm so over the Suxtet, but I'm way curious about what InsAnnie will tell Ryan. I'm still avoiding the spoilers, and I think MCE is here to stay, so... What do y'all think? I know you'll tell us, here.

09/12/08 Podcast

Shadow Explorer, YOU ROCK!

I got my file back!! If any of y'all use Windows Vista, download Shadow Explorer, now!

And for any of you who care to listen mid-week to a new podcast from last week, here it is!

(And let's keep the ass-toot commentary going and the opinions flowing here.)

09/05/08 Podcast

This Week, On All My Children!

As some of y'all know, the computer program that I use to record my podcasts broke down around 2 in the morning last night and corrupted my file. (At 2:01 a.m., Ashley broke down.)

But hey, they are bigger things in life to blubber about, so let's talk about The Kids!

Affter being away for a week and not getting a new PVP this week, your ass-toot commentary is needed now more than ever. So come on, listeners -- do your thing like only you can, here!

(And here's a golden oldie to tide you over, too!)

5/26/06 Podcast

Well, We Felt *Something*

• Fletcher was killed by a chick! (We loved it, and I, for one, am loving me some Taylor.)
• "Bella" stunk up the room, but our precious Amanda still came out smelling like a rose.
• Turns out, Jesse couldn't call Angie all those years because he was in the loony bin and couldn't find any quarters lying around.
• Crazy Kathy lights up our lives, and Baby Jenny is a joy.
• Suxtet who? InsAnnie what? (Okay, Jordan will feistily disagree with me on that one!)
• Jerkson and Carmen, however, still make both Jordan and me want to hurl.

I have not been reading the spoilers, but I'm starting to think I should because I'm a little nervous about where our little show is going, and I don't like surprises. What do y'all think? I know you'll let us know, here.

09/05/08 Podcast