A Plug is Pulled, and a Douchebag Dethroned

Ok, so by now the news that St. Charles Place Productions has no money (and never had the ability) to continue EITHER All My Children nor One Life to Live online is, quite frankly, old news. But talk about it we did on this week's podcast, so you'll get an earful on that.

What you won't get an earful on, unfortunately, is the latest news that resident douchebag Mr. Brian Frons has stepped down from his post at ABC Daytime! The douchebag would have been fired, but ABC clearly let him escape with his, uh, dignity (somewhat) intact. Anyway, you can read a decent summary of the story here.

(And imagine! Just a day or two ago, the big news was that Jill Farren Phelps and Bob Guza were both gettin' their asses kicked to the curb over at GH - thank God! - and that Frank Valentini and Ron Carlivati were taking their places. What a difference a day makes.)

So what does all of this mean for daytime at ABC? You tell us what you think, of course!, here.

11/26/11 Podcast

We're Baaaack......

Hey folks! We're giving this thing a shot! The PVP is continuing to produce our little show, talking all things soap, Dirty Soap, nighttime drama, nighttime (not-so) reality.... And we hope you'll continue to join us as we wait for Prospect Park to get its shit together and maybe start making some soap operas! We're trying so-very-hard not to be dubious, but with stats like these, things aren't exactly looking up.

Add your voice to the conversation as you always do, dear listeners, by clicking here. (Suggestions are always welcome!)

10/28/11 Podcast

Final Thoughts... And a Little Surprise!

All My Children may have ended on September 23rd, but we here at the Pine Valley Podcast are still in mourning. So we hope you'll pardon us if we still feel the need to talk about it. (For listeners of the classic PVP, we even have a little surprise for you if you make it all the way to the end!)

Jordan and I will be back soon on the 'cast to talk about One Life to Live and other "ephemera." And, of course, we'll be counting the days until January 2012. (And no, not just because that's when Mad Men returns. TheOnlineNetwork.com, people! Enter your e-mail in both fields, and you'll be kept informed of all of the latest online soapy happenings courtesy of Prospect Park. All My Children forever!)

Oh, and don't forget: keep on telling us what you think, here.

9/30/11 Podcast

All My Family

I started watching All My Children with my beloved Mendoza family, and I ended the series watching with them. Since Jordan and I were not able to watch together, I spent Friday, September 23rd, 2011 with my Titi Belen, my cousin Chris, and my Mami Gloria, and decided to share that experience with you all, the REST of my beloved AMC family.

Jordan and I will definitely be recording our thoughts and ass-TOOT observations on the series ending this week, and we look forward to sharing them with you soon.

(And if you want to comment some more, please! Do so! Here.)

9/23/11 Podcast

The Countdown Begins

And we can barely hold ourselves together.

As we prepare for the last precious episodes of our beloved All My Children, we begin with a brief tribute to Mama Ruth. We also wax not-so-nostalgic for the amazing few weeks we've had of our dear LoBro and the writers bringing it all together, and consider our "last-viewing" plans. As for life after Pine Valley? JoHud and I are still scratching our collective Puerto Rican heads over that one. (Some suggestions from you, our beloved listeners?)

We hope you enjoy this week's episode of the 'cast, and pray that you'll leave your ass-toot comments, opinions and condolences (as you always do) here.

9/16/11 Podcast

The Beginning of the End

We're a little verklempt (with an occasional Puerto Rican rant) here at the Pine Valley Podcast. We're pretty sure we don't need to tell you why.

As the end draws near, there's one thing we know for sure: we're incredibly grateful that we have you all to share this with. Please - give us your thoughts, feelings, last viewing party plans, and anything else you want to share, here. We love - and need - to hear from you. Now more than ever.

9/2/11 Podcast

Many Happy Returns

From Maria to InsAnnie to Marian to J.F.A.P. to our beloved, suddenly donut-lovin' Dixie, we're starting to be treated to the returns of the vets we've so loved. (Not to mention the return of what some of us consider the magnificent Lorraine Broderick.) If you can say anything good about the end of our All My Children, it's that a) Frons has left it (mostly) the HELL ALONE, and b) that has resulted in the return of the All My Children that we grew up with, that we love, and that feels so much like home.

We hope you like this week's podcast. And even if you don't, you can let us know, here. We can take it. (Sort of.)

7/29/11 Podcast

An Exciting New Prospect?

Oh, the ups and downs of being a soap fan! The news is old by now, but for any of y'all soap fans that haven't heard yet (is that possible?), our All My Children and One Life to Live have been given a second chance at life online, or so we hope.

This week, Jordan and I mostly talk Prospect Park - and the prospects for our beloved All My Children - but we even threw in some recaps. (See, Brian - all you had to do was ask!) We hope to do even more recaps, as AMC has lots of stuff happening that is puh-LEN-tee recap worthy!

We're so happy to talk to you all, but we like it even better when you talk to us. Do your thing, dear viewers, here.

7/11/11 Podcast

Emmy-non-a-mous!

Well, leave it up to the Daytime Emmys to make Brittany Allen a star! (Not even her starring role on All My Children could do for Ms. Allen's career what a miserable 2-hour show that no one watched did.)

I could NOT have said it better than Joe Flint from the Los Angeles Times. Take that, CBS! (Dipshits!)

What do you think, dear viewers? We still care, and we want to know! Do your thing, beautiful people, here?

6/20/11 Podcast

Heading for Greener Pastures?

Jordan is miserable in the city, Ashley is less miserable in the country, and All My Children is, well, miserable.

We're anxiously awaiting the arrival of Aggie and Lorraine, with their scripts beginning to air, we hear, on June 27th. Oh, June 27th, you can't come fast enough!

Our apologies if the podcast is boring or crappy this week. That's just how Jordan and I have been feeling over the state of our little show. Maybe you can cheer us up, here?

5/27/11 Podcast

April 14, 2011: The Day Soap Operas Died

Your comments, thoughts, tributes, goodbyes - here.

4/15/11 Podcast

(A special shout-out to Luis, who not only gave us a brand new opening theme for the PVP, but who is also making his own contribution to the dramatic void left by Fronshole's murderous rampage. Check out The Place. Now.)

Less Than Perfect

Yeah, so, okay.... All My Children - uh, no, folks. It's not much better this week.

Things continue on a downward spiral. As if evil priests weren't enough, we now have to deal with Evil Jesse. (This, dear listeners, is a perfect oxymoron.) I kid you not, folks. We have another - yes, I'm about to say it. (Deep breath!) Another - stolen - baby!

We don't deserve this. The actors don't deserve this. Let's hope it provides some opportunity for Debbie Morgan and Darnell Williams to shine (as they always somehow manage to), but for the love of God! In the name of all that is soap, Brian Frons! WTF?!? You are about to get cancelled, mother f*ck$r! What the HELL are all of you dipshits at ABC doing?!?!?!?!

I've said it before, I'll say it again. With cancellation rumors flying, we need your comments, ideas, and thoughts now more than ever. So do your thing, dear listeners and viewers, here.

3/25/11 Podcast

Hold On!

Our little show is hanging by a thread, folks.

I'm back from sunny FL, but things couldn't be dimmer for All My Children. From tired storylines to abysmal ratings and overblown budgets, things aren't looking good for our beloved sudser. I hope the insiders are wrong, but if they're right, Susan Lucci will be looking for a job for the first time in 40+ years.

But the hell with what we think! What do YOU think? Tell us, dear viewers, here.

3/11/11 Podcast

THIS. SUCKS. BALLS.

(Gotta thank Dancing Elf for that title.)

I'm in Florida with the babies, and Jordan is doing battle with the Queens of Gay-Bar-dom, so this will be it until March. We had so much fun recording this, but not so much fun watching AMC before doing so. I dunno - I just think Julie Hanan Craputhers and crew are counting the days until cancellation. (And what the hell is up with Binx's mumus? I swear, they should make a springwear collection of them called All My Mumus. Seriously, wardrobe? Seriously?)

We're behind a week or so (taped this on February 4th), so the sucky-ness relates to all things All My Children prior to that date. Is it getting better? Worse? Is this all worth it? What the hell do we all do with ourselves once the show gets the ax?

(And did anyone tape the Oprah Soap Stars eppy? The bites on YouTube suck, and I missed it 'cuz I'm in Florida!! I would pay y'all to send me a DVD copy. Seriously. Or if anyone knows how I can get it, I'm all ears. I've heard from my Titi that it was awesome, and the two clips I saw - the Susan Lucci stuff and the "Luke & Laura" stuff - were great.)

Anyway, lots to discuss. Missing you all already, and hope you'll keep up the convo here.

2/4/11 Podcast

OMG!!!! Madison is pregnant with Ryan's Baby!!!!

I can barely contain myself!

(Not really, Fronsie.)

Please! Mr. Brian Frons! What the HELL is NOT going on on your gat-damned show! I am so BORED I could SPIT! You got some good actors coming round - puh-leeze! Put the camera on them - Ms. Cara, Mr. Scott, ANYTHING Ins-Annie - and remove it from ANYTHING Bad-ison, Ry-ass or Yawn-lee. Please. For the love of God, Frons-hole! For the love of God!

On another note..... You are warned, beloved listeners. I had the damn gain on the mic all the way up for the first 8 minutes or so of the podcast. Please - turn down your personal listening devices for at least the first 8 minutes or so. We cannot afford to pay anyone's ear doctor bills.

And if you're not too mad at us for partially blowing our your eardrums, feel free to post a thing or two here. We'd love to hear from you, and hope that you can actually still *hear* after listening to the 'cast this week. Truly.

xo!

1/14/11 Podcast

Out With the New, In With the Old

Happy New Year, people! And with a new year comes new... I mean, old? I mean, new? characters on the canvas. Yes, it's all a little confusing - lots of new folks on the screen, some old ones have come back, but it's all still interesting, at least, in our humble opinions....

Hope you enjoy the new podcast - still having sound problems, but maybe that will be our New Year's Resolution! Thanks for being a part of our little family, and Jordan and I wish you all the best to your and your families in 2011! And you know what? As always, you can share all you want - we'll listen! - here.

12/30/10 Podcast

Comings and Goings

First of all, thank you, Sir Shadow, for your recent post. If I didn't have a new podcast to share, I'd be piggybacking off of you, my talented friend!

And whilst Jordan may not be agreeing, I, dear Sir, wholeheartedly do! Our All My Children has bit a bit dreary for this weary mom of toddler twins. (Can you believe that Jesse and Essie are 18 months old?) *But* - an this is a big but! - it's getting better, people.

I loved the new hot guy entrance (can't remember his name for the life of me, but dag! I remember that face, and Jake's punch!), loved David bustin' into the courtroom (horribly contrived, yes, but fun), loved me some Damon lending an ear to our hot-mess Liza, and really, really still love Annie and J.R. (though I needs me some more Annie crazies. Don't need any more "Greenlees" on the show!).

Jordan finds lots more to love about our little show, but you'll have to listen to find out. Still a few hot spots with the sound, so y'all are officially warned, but we're getting better, I think.

So happy to be with you post-Thanksgiving, and hope you'll stay with us as we talk anything AMC (and anything else your little hearts desire) here.

11/26/10 Podcast

All My Chidlrnwennnnn...Oops, I Think I Fell Asleep

Hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving! I started a new blog post a week or so ago, but life got in the way and I never finished it. It had all sorts of interesting commentary about the state of All My Children, what it means to me and how, in a nutshell, it had been boring me to death. I wasn't saying it was Pratt-awful, but I the fact that I was falling asleep while fast forwarding the episodes was telling. I was finding it all rather dull and uninspired. I was hoping Ashley and Jordan would post a new podcast and save me from admitting that I've become hopelessly behind, but it seems life got in their way too.

All My Children fell low on my priority list when Ryan & Greenlee started having cave sex or whatever they were doing in there. There are just so many things wrong with the idea of cave sex in these modern times. I had a string of one-liners in my incomplete post about the cave scenes. Apparently, the cave was located in "the islands" probably off the Pennsylvania coast somewhere. I don't know for sure because, as I said, I haven't watched it, but if it's cozy enough for sex then I would imagine every deranged Center City criminal is hiding out in there. Maybe that's where Bobby Martin and other characters who disappear from Pine Valley go to hide out. Like the island on Lost maybe The Pine Valley Caves are a purgatory type place where you must wait until Father Clarence allows you to rejoin your loved ones for a holiday episode, short story arc, or until Ryan gets his memory back. Whatever the case may be, caves are usually covered in bat shit and that's gross. In fact, I find the thought of sand in my junk and on her junk and bat shit on our junk and Center City hobos and long forgotten characters lurking around inside the cave whilst I make covet my true love kind of revolting. It certainly doesn't seem romantic. I've never seen a Harlequin at SuperTarget with a picture of hot people going at it on a sandy cave floor. I have never known a woman who looked at me and said, "Shadow, more than anything, I want you to make sweet relations with me in a cave full of batshit and Bobby Martin." Whoever at ABC has the cave, well, and sewer drainage fetish needs to let it go already.

Anyway, this past week was all about Zach and David Hayward. Neither are my personal favorites so I haven't tried too hard to tune in and see Zach bite it and David yell 'Gotcha!' or whatever at the trial. (Did I disclose that I haven't actually watched it?) They've both been turned into such stooges over the years, and soap trials just don't cut it anymore. Primetime procedural drama has raised the bar too high for the sort of half-assed legal maneuverings of Jack and Liza. Liza was actually going to be her own witness at one point! Everybody in the courtroom has had sex with everybody else in the courtroom. Jack was defending his daughter, examining his wife...so stupid. Nothing remotely suspensful or realistic and they wasted a decent actress in the role of the judge.

I thought the whole Hayward storyline sucked from start to finish, although I'm pleased it's given all the actors some nice performance moments. Still, faking death may be Hayward's most egregious offense yet. Considering the misery he cost so many and the vast expense of the city in prosecuting Greenlee, it bothers me that yet again he'll probably face no consequences. (However, if he can give Angie her sight back, I'll get over it.) As for Zach, I can't believe he fell victim to a Rylee plot. He was allegedly a bad-ass from a tough, mobb-ish family and he had to die this way? I'm sure it seemed heroic to Frons, but Zach's death is really just another thing for current fans to blame on Ryan and Greenlee. And what was with Liza being all sad about Zach's death? She screwed him one time on a craps table in a casino. I'm all for history, but not Pratt history. Please never remind me of anything Pratt. In fact, AMC should just send Gabrielle to fetch a coat in the Martin attic or for a day of fun in the Pine Valley Caves.

If you ask me, killing Zach under these conditions was a stupid move and the whole thing with Hayward, Ryan and Zach was absurdly implausible. I don't mind stretching my imagination, but none of this made a lick of sense. It was all so plot driven, much like the Rylee romance has always been and continues to be. The fact that there is nothing organic or graceful about Rylee is the reason the audience rejects them as a couple. No matter how much we may try, we simply can't suspend our disbelief enough for cave sex or craps sex or all the events that have to line up to fake your death and then reveal yourself exactly at the moment the verdict is reached. And at the end of it all, Greenlee and Ryan still could have more chemistry with farm animals.

Therein lies the problem with the show. There's nothing much natural or relatable about anything that happens these days. Angie shouldn't be blind. Zach shouldn't have died trying to help Rylee on some BS island sex den. Dastardly Hayward could never have worked out his whole digitalis plan. The love story of Greenlee and Ryan didn't grow out of any emotion remotely accessible to the viewers, but rather a series of contrived plot points that have resulted in the termination of several head writers.

There are some good things. The characters sound more like themselves than they used to under Pratt. The occasional nod to history is appreciated. JR and Annie are smoking hot. I appreciate the writers letting them slow burn. Marissa has stepped it up. Erica and Jack are back. I love them and love the material they are giving Jack. (Caleb, not so much. He may not be as big and fat, but he's still boring and makes a Boo Boo Kitty lip when he's sad.) I like the way Madison called Ryan out for being the rescuer type. Hopefully, she isn't pregnant with his demon kid. Asher? Idiot. Can't act. Damon? Why is he a supporting player now? At least he's great when he's on with Liza who, by the way, needs to give up her legal career and go back to TV or media. The courtroom is boring and trite. Liza needs to go digital. Colby? She's coming along nicely as the Chandler with a conscience albeit a tad dimwitted. Tad? Golden. Opal? The only one who is never, ever boring. Krystal? Still not Brooke.

So there you have it. That's where I'm at with our show. I want to get excited, but I can't get pumped up about Griffin. Cara sort of sounds interesting, especially if she ends up with Bianca, but I'm not holding my breath. Tell me what I'm missing or why you totally get where I'm coming from, right here.

Uh, I Think I'm Gonna Be Sick

Okay, folks, so it's been forever-and-a-day since you've heard from us, and, well, no - things are not a whole helluva lot better for me with All My Children. I mean, yes, Erica is back, but a girl cannot live on Erica and Fat Caleb alone! That's like eating pork rinds on rice crackers. Nass-tee!

This week, we dish on the Kids, One Life and GH, as well as a little primetime, a little pop-time, and an OT (that's "off topic" for those a y'all who don't speak blog abbreviations) rant or two. I will warn you - I'm still blowing out the sound a bit, so the 'cast may get loud in spots. This loud Puerto Rican apologizes in advance, and warns you to listen at your own risk!

Seriously, though, Jordan and I are so glad to be back, and we're so glad that you're still listening. Now it's our turn to listen to you: leave your ass-toot thoughts and opinions on anything and everything daytime (or anytime) here.

10/06/10 Podcast

May Tomorrow Be a Perfect Day...

Okay people - some days it's freakin' GREAT, and others? Not so much for me. But All My Children, as Jordan says, is by far a much better show than it has been in YEARS. So, yes - AMC *sucked* for me this week, but there are moments, folks, moments of incredible greatness and hotness. This AMC is still must-see for me, and I couldn't say that for a very, very long time.

I got a new microphone. The Yeti. (Jordan calls him Diego.) Still figuring it out, so we're not there yet. But we're sounding better. We think. Hope you like it.

And do your thing, as you always do, here.

8/27/10 Podcast