Something is Really "Rancid" in Pine Valley

• Randi is constipated? Has a really bad headache? Has to really, really go the bathroom? Oh, right! She is having abdominal pain and may be having a miscarriage.
• Adam does a little safety dance because InsAnnie is giving him regular doses of her hey-nanny-nanny.
• Emma gets the Gitmo treatment.
• The Ghost of Stuart Past visits Kendall (and you know it's him because he is too simple to have ever learned how to completely tuck his collar into his sweaters).
• We still don't care about this dumbass murder mystery, but we do like Madison's hat.

We're back! A shorter 'cast than we usually do, but a cast nonetheless. We had fun, in between babies crying. (God, it's hard to record a silly show when your newborns are crying.) We missed you all, we hope you like it, and we hope to be back again soon. In the meantime, take a listen and feel free to interject with your ass-toot observations on anything and everything your pretty little hearts desire here.

7/24/09 Podcast

We Watched Even Though We Didn't Have To

Jordan hated last week's eppys of All My Children. I, however.... Maybe it's sleep deprivation, or the fact that breast-feeding twins keeps me parked in front of the television for pretty much the entire day until Carlos comes home, but I found some entertainment in last weeks' episodes. That Spinelli guy asking that blonde chick to marry him after having sex with her for the first, mind-blowing time -- adorable! Oh, wait a minute... that's not AMC, is it? (Sigh.)

Okay, so I liked: anything A-Mam-da and Jake, Beaker and eBabe, InsAnnie in that bikini, Madison's hat (the Performer of the Week IMHO), and very little Aidumb. I hated: anything Erica and Ryass and Randi, and the continued decimation of Jesse Hubbard's character.

Notes to y'all: anyone notice Marissa's long neck? I like the actress and the character, people, but fair is fair. She looks like one of those women that puts rings around their necks to make them longer, and when they take them off their necks are crazy long! I was also tickled by Man-Hands JaLu (about the only thing about this character that I enjoy). Take a closer look, folks -JaLu got them man-hands! Makes me really miss our classy Mini-Hands Julia!

My biggest gripe? When Joonyer pulled out Adam's wedding albums, and listed Adam's brides to InsAnnie. Am I wrong, or wasn't Adam married to Brooke? Of course, TIIC wouldn't mention our beloved Brooke. Friggin' a-holes.

Jordan and I will try to do a quck 'cast for next week. Jesse and Estela are keeping me very busy. (I have finally figured out how to use the john with one babe in arms. I'm working on two.) I am also trying to Twitter here and there (PVPodcast is my screen-name, yo'!), and Facebook once in a while, but I won't be back to full speed for a little while, so please be patient with me. In the meantime, a HUGE shout-out to Shadow for his ass-toot and hilarious posts, and to Jordan and all-a-y'all for keeping our little community rockin'. Keep on keepin' on here.

There Goes the Neighborhood...

Hello everyone! Glad to be back home after a wonderful beach vacation. I’m still tying to catch up on all the episodes I missed, but thanks to your ass-toot commentary here on the blog I’m not totally clueless about all the shen-Annie-gans that have been going on in Pine Valley while I was soaking up the sun. I still have two weeks of old episodes to wade through. From what I have seen so far, I would borrow a phrase from Ashley and request "less shit, more shinola please" from TPTB. Remember when Pine Valley was a nice place to live? It's been a long time since people could just lounge around privately in their living rooms without getting killed, have a private conversation anywhere, or enjoy an afternoon drink at a trendy bar without getting shanked in the bathroom. One minute you're swilling a Cosmo and the next you're bleeding out your ass. And wherever you go, something or someone could strike you in the head at any moment! Crazy people are everywhere! With guns and ammo! The town is riddled with pimps and ho's. And *do not* have sex with people in Pine Valley! Seriously, you may think you're privately shagging one person, but soon the whole town will be pregnant, everyone's on Montel taking paternity tests, and you find out somebody else made a videotape of the act! And don't even try walking around naked in your own Pine Valley home because the entire town may be peeping in your windows or walk in unannounced at any moment! That is sooooo embarrassing! Enid and Phoebe would be horrified at what our little community has become!

Ok, I know you were all hoping to find a new podcast with Ashley and Jordan, but instead you got a blog post from me—sort of like finding a nice little half shell on the beach instead of the massively beautiful conch shell you hoped to discover instead. (I really did have a great time at the beach!). Honestly, JordAsh planned to do a podcast this week, but just couldn’t quite make it come together in time. I’ve got my fingers crossed that next week they will return from hiatus. I’d type more, but it’s hard to do with my fingers crossed. Let’s hear what you have to say, right here.

A Podcast-less Post for a 'Ho-Hum Week

(Get it? " 'Ho Hum"?)

From what I can recall from my sleep-deprived, new mommy brain, the following events occured sometime in the past week on All My Children:

• Randi "frets" and "worries" about her past with North, and the Hooker With The Eyes of Stone succumbs to North's invitation. Hold on to your seats, viewers! What will Randi do next?!?
• Adam has hired a "security team."
• Annie tries to strangle Erica (who even makes being choked look glam).
• Ry-ass and Tad the Murderer make a plea to hot-shot District Attorney North. (Something like, "Trust me. Annie is the murderer." Wow. That Pratt writes dialogue like nobody's business.)
• Annie's Bangs win Standout Performer of the Week.
• Oh yeah - JaLu bears her baby via basement window. (Wait a minute - was that last week? It's all one ri-dick-a-lous blur.)

Hellooooo viewers! I'm giving the incredibly talented Shadow a much needed break (and taking one of my own). Shadow's enjoying Hilton Head with his family, and I'm enjoying... family! A new thing for me and Carlos! The twins (Jesse and Estela) are here, and I'm thrilled. (It does make watching the Amanda/JaLu birth scenes a little hard to stomach. But I was happy to eat my words - I've always loved Chrishelle Stause as Amanda, but I've been tough on her performances at times. Well, our girl proved me wrong - she was one of the few highlights for me over the past 4 weeks of the hot mess that is AMC.)

Anyway! So much else to discuss, as Shadow noted! Anything goes - Wheel of Fortune, Summer TV hits-and-misses, Jacko farewells, and - oh yeah - All My Children. Discuss, beautiful people, discuss!

(BTW - Jordan and I have missed talking to y'all so very much. We hope to have a new podcast up in the next week or two. In the meantime, thanks again to everyone - especially our amazing Shadow - for keeping the PVP community not only alive, but kicking!)