Sunday, December 21, 2008

Now Who Will Lead Our Carnival?

Now who will lead our carnival? And who will make us stronger?
Who will mend our broken sleep when she is here no longer?

For who's part do we stand and bow? What stories do we tell?

And will we memorize the day when great and greatness fell?

Say will this valley overcome, and will these shadows fade?

And will we lift our eyes to see the beauty that she made?

The disappearing last of her that leads to worlds unknown

Has left a path to softly tread when sadness wanders home.

I'll meet thee where the highland winds divide wild mountain tyne,
Where I will be forever yours and you, forever mine.

This week was Our Myrtle week. Though we were mixed on the tribute show last Friday, we were glad to see our great dame honored. But with the gaping hole our Myrtle has left, where will we find the heart of the show? Boobianca's sperm-stealing antics take her out of the running. So who will it be? Maybe a new executive producer will come to the rescue? Lots of rumors, folks, and we know you'll keep all of us posted here. (I know I'll be sure to check out Superposter's blog for all of the latest.)

Have a grand holiday, and we'll see you next year!

12/19/08 Podcast

Monday, December 15, 2008

My Milkshake is Better Than Yours

  • Krystal is a 'ho for a mug of hot milk. (I love that line, Norn!)
  • Why-oh-why can't Rebecca just die?
  • Greens and Ryan continue to bore, whilst InsAnnie continues to delight.
  • Brot and Taylor are doing their thing, while poor Jake turns into a misogynistic mess.
First of all, Luis gave us another bangin' PVP intro song -- muchas gracias, Luis! Secondly, I just read the spoilers for All My Children for 2009, and I'm pissed. These folks really don't give a shit about this show -- if you choose to read them, I'm sure you'll agree. What the hell do we do, people? Do a show every week complaining about how bad AMC is? You gotta help us here, folks. Jordan and I want to keep doing this podcast, but this is getting friggin' ri-dick! Help us, please!, here.

12/12/08 Podcast

Monday, December 08, 2008

We (Got) Back!

  • You know it's a sad state of affairs when Cameron Mathison's thong is the highlight this week on our beloved All My Children.
  • Brot just doesn't love Taylor anymore - so much so, that he's stalking her.
  • Krystal is back to her old whorish tricks (and we're diggin' how psychotic it all is).
  • Randi and Colby need to go. Period.

We're back! I've been missing y'all -- Jordan's been representin' on the blog, but I'm back now, and for a while until the holidays. Speaking of the holidays, ABC really is trying to get us all into the holiday mood. What would your holiday gift be to the viewers who watch All My Children? I know what my holiday wishes for the viewers would be, but I'd much rather hear yours. Spread your holiday cheer, people, here.

12/5/08 Podcast

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Jeepers Creepers!

  • David creepily manipulates Amanda.
  • David creepily manipulates Krystal.
  • Brot's mom reveals her creepy reasons for lying to Taylor (not to mention that she has creepy eyes).
  • InsAnnie pulls the ultimate creepy move against Ryan (and I'm kind of glad).
  • Jessie and Rebecca are just plain creepy.
  • Colby is a creep, period.

I must warn you - the levels on the podcast this week are not good. I set my inputs levels too high by accident, and it gets pretty blown-out in spots. (What can I say, people? I don't got Jimmy Jam helpin' out!) I apologize in advance if I've hurt your ears. One other thing: do yourself a favor, and check out One Life to Live, if you can swing it. It isn't perfect, but it just feels real. Plus, they don't assault the viewer's intelligence on a daily basis. No to mention that they have actual adults on the show, and characters that have been there more than 10 years. Seriously. And all of them can act. They might not be the best lookin' crew, but who cares? Acting before beauty, we always say. (Plus, we ain't so perfect ourselves, if you can believe that.) Finally, whatever you do, please, please, please tell us what's going on in that big brain of yours. We'd love to know, here.

11/21/08 Podcast

Sunday, November 16, 2008

You Take the Good, You Take the Bad

The good:

  • Reeanca unlimited.
  • Brot plus Taylor (but definitely minus Colby).
  • Zach (finally) shedding a (manly) tear over his sleeping beauty.
  • Aggie Nixon and the "All My Children" prayer.
  • Anything Petey Cortlandt.

The (very) bad:

  • Anything Cryan, Greenlee, and Aidumb.
  • Erica and Adam making out.
  • Jesse as a liar.
  • Bianca as a liar.
  • Colby as anything.

I just wanted to thank you all for your amazing posts whilst Jordan and I recuperated. I also want to give a special shout out to Luis, who continues to provide amazing PVP Theme Song Intros for us. (They are all his work and creation. You rock, Luis!) I don't have much more to add, because you all do it so well. So keep on with your bad selves, and do your thing like only PVP listeners do!, here.

11/14/08 Podcast

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Another Week of Good News, Bad News

Let's do the bad news first.

Both Jordan and I had a bad week. I had the stomach flu, and Jordan caught a crazy bug as well. We're both feeling better, but neither one of us was up to a 'cast this week. So sorry to disappoint, but hopefully next week things will be looking up for both of us (and food will be staying down).

The good news? I was actually caught up in this past Thursday's and Friday's episodes! I mean, I didn't nod off once. I swear! Okay, well, maybe the Greenlee/Ryan/Aidumb appearances were an exception, but for the most part? Some real moments of greatness where I felt like, This is my All My Children. The Iraq vets support group? Astounding. Taylor and Jake? Great stuff, folks! Okay, fine - so some of Taylor's temper-tantrums weren't fun, but tell me you weren't crying when Taylor talked about making love to Brot! She's one hell of an actress, that Ehlers! Bianca and Reese? Steamy, people!!! Open-mouthed kissing and all! And Brot? OMFG - I cannot wait to see how this real-life vet blows us out of the water with his story!

I am still pissed about the Zach baby-daddy storyline, the "Jesse We Hardly Knew Ye'" crap, and I really don't know how much more I can take of Randi, Colby, or Carmen-as-hoochie-mama. Not sure these things are surmountable for me, unless they disappear. And I don't have much to say about Annie, because I'm not the fan that y'all are. (Plus, I know the end of the story, and it blows.)

Still, I'm watchin', and I'm so glad that you're still with me, listenin'.

Here's an old PVP eppy which includes mention of the Zarf support group scenes, which was also a golden AMC moment, IMHO.

And don't forget: we live for your comments, people. Keep the discussion going, here.

3/9/07 Podcast

Monday, November 03, 2008

"I'm All Cried Out... Over You."

(Read title caption to the tune of the famous ditty by Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam, and not with Bobbie Eakes portrayal of grieving momma in mind.)
  • Krystal "mourns" the death of her daughter, Arabella Carey Chandler.
  • David threatens everyone in town. (No wonder our resident Dr. Evil gets it wrong all the time. He lacks focus.)
  • Binks gets engaged. (Shouldn't we care a little more about this?)
  • Annie does not want to get the police involved in the search for her daughter. It's just not safe. Much better for an unarmed woman to bring $10 million bucks -- in cash -- in a sack -- to a dangerous kidnapper in the seediest part of town. Much safer.
  • Kendall is still in a coma. And doing some of the finest acting we've seen on AMC all week. (Ouch. Harsh, right?)

Oh goodness! I wish I had been all caught up on your posts (instead of all cried out at the sinking of my show) before posting this podcast! I'm caught up now, and loving how you all keep it going. (Shadow and n69, you're giving me a run for my money! You boys have me rollin'!) These are troubled times for our show, although, funnily enough, the ratings seem to be holding -- for now. Keep the thoughts flowing here.

10/31/08 Podcast

Monday, October 27, 2008

These Eyes... Aren't Cryin'!

  • Krystal says a (not so) tearful goodbye to Arabella Carey Chandler.
  • Jake-gyver attempts brain surgery in the dark, and what do you know? It doesn't go so well.
  • Ryan and Aidumb survive the tornado. Damn.
  • Jesse and Angie are seemingly having communication problems.
It appears as if everyone in Pine Valley is either dead, in a coma, or seriously maimed. But why aren't we here at the PVP feeling the drama? You feelin' it? So far, the reviews are mixed. Help us figure it all out, and keep on hangin' on (as you always do) here.

10/24/08 Podcast

Sunday, October 19, 2008

There's A(nother) Tornado in Pine Valley

(Except this one has better special effects.)

Oh, folks. I'm not gonna lie. I've been absent from both the 'cast and the blog this week. Ever since I saw TIIC turn Carmen into a caricature with her catfight with Erica on Wednesday, I haven't been the same. Almost stopped watching right then and there. But we made a commitment to you ("We Watch So you Don't Have To!"), and we're doing our best to keep that commitment. I will hang in this week, because I do think there will be some good, old-fashioned high stakes soap moments in the days ahead (not to mention the fact that I still love doing this podcast for you). So kick back, have a glass of chocolate milk, and give us your ass-toot opinions and commentaries (as you always do) here.

10/17/08 Podcast

P.S. - The Pine Valley Podcast offers our condolences to Laura, who lost her mother-in-law recently. Our best wishes to you and your family, Laura. We're thinking of you.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Somethin' Bad's a Comin'!

  • Not sure if you all caught this, but apparently, something very, very bad will happen in Pine Valley. Soon. And it will end the world as we know it. (Didn't that happen in the real world last Monday, folks?)
  • Jesse should be fingerprinted. Seriously. He's not our Jesse, folks. Sorry. Nope. It ain't him. Don't believe it. Not for one second.
  • InsAnnie, Zach, Kendull, Cryan, Aidumb and Not-Very-Meanlee continue to make us seriously want to drive nails into our eyeballs.
  • Petey was awesome!
Yikes. I'm afraid I was harsh this week, folks. It ain't gettin' better, people, and I'm nervous. Not about the tornado, mind you, but the ratings. That's the real cliffhanger! All we can do is try to keep a sense of humor about the whole thing. We hope you'll have a laugh with us, here.

10/03/08 Podcast

Sunday, September 28, 2008

More Pancakes and Poetry (Really?)

  • In a dazzlingly original display of sexual bravado, Greenlee paints her body in Aidumb's poetry. (We're serious. She does. And it's gross.)
  • "Father-of-the-Year" Cryan Lavery makes (V-Tach-free) pancakes for Emma.
  • Angie yells.
  • Taylor cries.
  • Kendull complains.
  • Zach sulks.
  • Petey scores!
  • Randi... well, Randi doesn't do anything, really.
PVP founder and debonair commentator Taylor Crawford joins us this week as AMC chugs along under the direction of Chuckie Pratthole. Chuck is wrapping up old storylines while trying to expand some new ones. We're observing some hits, some misses, and some lost opportunities along the way. As our ass-toot bloggers have noted, history, TPTB, history! Just a little more, please! What else do you want more of? Tell us, darlings, here.

09/27/08 Podcast

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Square Peg in a Round Hole

  • Greenlee is so calm as to be comatose, and Kendall is someone we really don't even care about anymore.

  • Petey gets electrocuted. (Huh? This better be Chuck Pratt's way of getting him to forget Colby!)

  • Frankie attempts to comfort a D.B.T.E. Randi. (Actually, we couldn't tell she was sad, bless her heart).

  • Annie and Petey continue to delight, but Jackson and Carmen still wanna make us hurl.
Seems like we have wildly divergent opinions, folk. Why are Jordan and I so not excited over recent developments? And as far as what's in the works? We are not amused by what we're hearing! What's your take? Give it to us straight, here.

09/19/08 Podcast

Monday, September 15, 2008

Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right

  • Chuck Pratt undoes an "undone" abortion, but pretty much murders the character of Josh in the process.
  • Angie and Frankie blow out the speakers on my high-definition television.
  • Taylor and Jake and Amanda continue to delight.
  • No Tad and Krystal, but less Colby, bless her heart!
  • InsAnnie loses her baby, and Melissa Clare Egan gets to do what she does best. (We're loving it.)

I'm so over the Suxtet, but I'm way curious about what InsAnnie will tell Ryan. I'm still avoiding the spoilers, and I think MCE is here to stay, so... What do y'all think? I know you'll tell us, here.

09/12/08 Podcast

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Shadow Explorer, YOU ROCK!

I got my file back!! If any of y'all use Windows Vista, download Shadow Explorer, now!

And for any of you who care to listen mid-week to a new podcast from last week, here it is!

(And let's keep the ass-toot commentary going and the opinions flowing here.)

09/05/08 Podcast

Monday, September 08, 2008

This Week, On All My Children!

As some of y'all know, the computer program that I use to record my podcasts broke down around 2 in the morning last night and corrupted my file. (At 2:01 a.m., Ashley broke down.)

But hey, they are bigger things in life to blubber about, so let's talk about The Kids!

Affter being away for a week and not getting a new PVP this week, your ass-toot commentary is needed now more than ever. So come on, listeners -- do your thing like only you can, here!

(And here's a golden oldie to tide you over, too!)

5/26/06 Podcast

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Well, We Felt *Something*

  • Fletcher was killed by a chick! (We loved it, and I, for one, am loving me some Taylor.)
  • "Bella" stunk up the room, but our precious Amanda still came out smelling like a rose.
  • Turns out, Jesse couldn't call Angie all those years because he was in the loony bin and couldn't find any quarters lying around.
  • Crazy Kathy lights up our lives, and Baby Jenny is a joy.
  • Suxtet who? InsAnnie what? (Okay, Jordan will feistily disagree with me on that one!)
  • Jerkson and Carmen, however, still make both Jordan and me want to hurl.
I have not been reading the spoilers, but I'm starting to think I should because I'm a little nervous about where our little show is going, and I don't like surprises. What do y'all think? I know you'll let us know, here.

09/05/08 Podcast

Monday, September 01, 2008

First, the Good News...

  • We got some SMOKIN'-HOT sex with Amamda and Jake (even if it was way too short a session).
  • Devil Erica and Angel Erica was the most delicious we've seen La Kane in at least a year.
  • No Trollby!
  • InsAnnie gets more insAnnier.
  • Angie and Franklin finally call Jesse on the whole "I've-been-on-the-run-for-20-years-but-somehow-I-know-how-to-make-Lamb-Chops-with-a-Moroccan-Spice-Rub-and-Asparagus-Risotto."
  • Taylor and Jake, whilst not sexy, get (for me, at least) interesting. If AMC plays their cards right (and so far, I enjoyed what I saw), the Iraq storyline could be another groundbreaker for our little show.
The bad?
  • Still too much suxtet.
  • Petey's clothing choices. (Someone needs to tell the wardrobe department that Petey's clothes broadcast "dork" the way Stuart's one untucked collar broadcasts "special.")
  • Fusion. (Enough said.)
  • And last but not least? No new PVP this week.

Sorry, folks. A few of you have sent your loving thoughts our way, and even suggested that Ashley Mendoza needed to take a break every so often. So I've done just that. But I'm posting an oldie-but-goodie for you - in fact, it's our second-oldest episode! One of the first, back in May of 2006. (My how we're grown - we're 27 in SORAS years!) Those of you who have been with us since the beginning will recognize our very own Taylor Crawford. If we're lucky, we'll get Taylor back just in time for the annihilation of Josh's character. Although I'm dreading that particular storyline, I would pay money to hear Taylor say, "I wish I had a plane but I crashed it." (Thanks for the walk down memory lane, Brown Penny!)

I hope you all have a restful holiday (Jordan and I sure will), and we look forward to reading your continued ass-toot observations, here.

5/12/06 Podcast.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Winner or Snoozer?

  • InsAnnie gets crazier, but doesn't catfight Kendall.
  • Greenlee and Aidumb keep having not-so-hot sex.
  • Carmen goes for Jackson, and doesn't get bitch slapped by Erica.
  • Fletcher offers Frankie a deal that Frankie would prefer to refuse (and a storyline that I prefer would go away).
I'm losing my patience, folks. I'm sure Esensten and Brown are gone, yet the silliness remains. Please keep me hangin' on - and cheer me up - here.

8/22/08 Podcast

Monday, August 18, 2008

Split Decisions

  • Greenlee marries Aidumb, while Ryan re-marries InsAnnie.
  • Jack and Erica break, and Erica and Sam make.... small talk?
  • During her first week in town, Taylor is all charm (uh, not really) as she graces Jake and Frankie with her presence.
  • Amamda continues her personal quest to represent and promote strong women of the world everywhere!
Jordan and I are like two ships in the night this week. Not only did we record our latest podcast in the wee hours of the morning (so no song this week, folks), but we also had very different opinions of the week's events. Our blog is rocking this summer, so I know you'll tell us where you fall on the All My Children Spectrum of Suckiness. Post your thoughts (and maybe some new nicknames), here.

(And a special shout-out of love to Laura. All of our thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.)

8/15/08 Podcast

Sunday, August 10, 2008

It's Better Than a Sleeping Pill!

Is anyone surprised by the developments this week?
  • InsAnnie tries to kill Greenlee.
  • Greenlee remains oblivious to InsAnnie's craziness.
  • Kendall obsesses over Ryan and InsAnnie, but doesn't seem to remember that she has children.
  • Fletcher propositions Frankie. (Okay, even we couldn't have predicted the idiocy of this particular turn.)
  • Erica looks hot! (Now that is one lady who never bores.)
So glad to be back this week, listeners! The show is a tad slow, but you, our viewers, always delight! Feel free to share your thoughts, opinions, and ideas here. (And Maybe Jordan will share that TV list of his, too.)

8/08/08 Podcast

Monday, August 04, 2008


And I'm not talking about the song by Grace Potter and The Nocturnals.

Y'all are heatin' up this blog, and I'm afraid I've brought it all to a screeching halt.

Alas, I was not able to post a podcast this week. No Jesse/Frankie re-enactments, no Erica on a "date" with Sexy Sammy, no Coldby rants, no Blandie "blowups." I will be back next week - I promise, but until then, here's an oldie but goodie for you.

And please, folks, keep the DBTE list, the rants, the ass-toot commentary, the Amamda-Frankie-Jake-ANYONE ideas flowing here! Lord knows that your posts are keeping me tuned in right now, because our lame-duck head writers definitely aren't (bless their hearts).

11/30/07 Podcast

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Too Many Teens!

  • As our troublesome teens get dumber, Blandie gets evil-er.
  • Ryan loves Greenlee, and Kendull tells her so.
  • Erica "eats" her first post-jail meal.
  • As Angie's weave gets smaller, Tad and Krystal's riff grows.
Julie Hanan Craputhers, Megan McTrash... Just two classic ABC Daytime TPTB that have made our Hall of Shame. We've got a new one to add: for her recent casting brilliance in putting on the canvas a NuColby and a New Randi, Judy Blye Wilson is responsible for many a fast-forward in the past weeks. (Not mine, of course, but I've been tempted.) Trouble is, we don't have a nickname for her. Can you help? Give us your ideas, here.

7/25/08 Podcast

Monday, July 21, 2008

Who's That's Girl?

  • Blandie is kicking (Greenlee's) ass and compiling baby names.
  • Angie and Jesse worry about that nasty Randy taking their precious Franklin for a ride (literally).
  • Ryan rescues Greenlee, but Aidumb gets all the thanks (if you know what I mean).
  • Jake is still waiting for his storyline to arrive - and it's coming on July 24th, with the arrival of Beth Ehler's "Taylor."
I'm sort of looking forward to Beth Ehler's coming on as "Taylor," but this reeks of the TPTB wanting a "sure supercouple" in RPG and BE. Is it so sure? I say, this ain't Guiding Light! Let's move on people! Still, who cares what I say. (I'm sick of hearing myself talk.) Tell us what you, our ass-toot listeners, think here.

7/18/08 Podcast

Monday, July 14, 2008

Teenage Wasteland

  • The teen scene is killing my AMC dreams, even with the arrival of Petey Cortlandt. How much more can we take??
  • Richie is dead, and we really (really) miss him.
  • Amanda and Josh might as well be dead.
  • Jessie "dicks" out -- playing private detective and cop all rolled into one!
  • Greenlee falls from her boat - maybe the richest girl in Pine Valley should upgrade her teeny ride.
No song this week. My damn computer updated itself, and all of sudden it won't let me hook up to Limewire. I'm about to throw the damn thing out the window. Anyway, rather than delay you, our beloved listeners, you're getting a stripped down version of the PVP. I was thinking I'd sing about Richie being gone - maybe Hall & Oates "She's Gone," making it, "He's Gone." Or maybe I would have done the song, "These Eyes," and made it "He Died, We're Crying!" Something like that. You got any ideas for the song this week? I'm exhausted from fighting my crappy computer. Let us know, here.

7/11/08 Podcast

Monday, July 07, 2008

Troublesome Teens & Other Summer Scenes

  • NuColby & Co. are up to summer hijinks - too bad we don't care.
  • Greenlee, Kendall and Babe go "Extremities" on Richie. (It was kind of weird if you ask us).
  • Blandie is full-on evil, letting Richie escape and possibly killing the man. (Gee, you think that's what happens?)
  • Jake still has no storyline.
Do we all know what's about to happen? Doesn't it make an already challenged show a little more boring? Tell us what you think of them (the spoilers, of course, and anything else you want to opine on) here.

7/4/08 Podcast

Sunday, June 29, 2008

So What?

We all know that...
  • Richie's gonna die.
  • Blandie's gonna get pregnant with Ryan's baby.
  • Aidumb and Greenlee ain't gonna make it.
  • Franklin and Randi will hook up.
  • NuColby's gonna drive off a cliff and into a sea of boulders. (Oh, wait a minute - that was Greenlee last year. Damn.)
Jordan and I are Debbie Downers this week. With old writers on the way out and a new writer heading in, there's lots of safe (read: boring)transitional crap-o happening right now, if you ask us. With the obvious stuff that's happening, I could write the damn show. (And believe me - I have my talents, but soap writing ain't one of them.) Your thoughts on all this? We know you have 'em, so share 'em here.

6/27/08 Podcast

Monday, June 23, 2008

Appearances Aren't Everything

  • Richie appears as if he's getting out of jail, only to realize that it appears that he will be getting his ass kicked by Zach.
  • Angie appears as if she's about to slaughter a goat in a Santeria ritual.
  • Greenlee appears as if she needs another romp in the sack- with Josh (but we'll take Jake, too).
  • The NuColby appears as if she needs acting class.
The Emmys came and went, and our little show, well... Our folks looked fabulous, right? We may not have garnered many of those little statuettes, but our girlsat least looked good, right Judy Blye Wilson? (Oy.) Tell us what you think of the whole dag-gone mess that was the Daytime Emmys for All My Children here.

6/20/08 Podcast

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Oh No They Didn't!

Oh yes - they did.
  • Dixie and Tad have a final meeting - and the prospects of Jordan's "astral plane" storyline get dimmer.
  • Kendall gets whinier, while Zach gets manlier.
  • Greens has sex with Josh!!!!!!
  • Lily says goodbye.

Since Jordan and I have met, we've had almost not one single disagreement betwixt us - that is, until Liza Colby. What do y'all think? Another great love for Tad - in Liza? Why am I not seeing it? And why am I so fascinated by it? Maybe someone will ask Marcy Smith (formerly Walker) what she thinks in her interview, courtesy of our friend Superposter, or you can tell us what you think here.

6/13/08 Podcast

Monday, June 09, 2008

New Beginnings for Old Flames

  • Adam reveals the truth about Kate-thy, so Tad and Adam make nice - for the moment.
  • Greenlee gets woe-is-me-wasted, and her ex-dude just may get to bust out some old moves on her.
  • "Trailer-Trash" turned "Yummy-Mummy" Babe goes "Brooklyn-Hooker" Babe, and gets herself in a whole mess o' trouble.
  • Erica mourns for the loss of... Kendall's secret? (Uh, folks? Knock knock? Julia died last week? Hello??)
Yikes. Despite the decent reviews, Frons knows best, and will soon replace Barbara Esensten and James Harmon Brown with another failed-upward writer, Charles Pratt. Jordan and I pride ourselves on our whip-smart listenership, and we think Chuck could use some tips as he heads to Pine Valley. Please, viewers - give Mr. Pratt your advice (he'll need it) here.

6/7/08 Podcast

Sunday, June 01, 2008

A Wedding, a Funeral and a Heavenly Reunion

  • Tad and Dixie reunite - in heaven. (Ugh. I mean, it's nice and all, but c'mon, folks! It's not for real.)
  • Greenlee finds out that Aidumb cheated on her with Kendall, and proves she's an actress worth her weight in Emmy. (The woman cries over Aidumb daily. That's talent!)
  • Colby and Dre continue to amaze with their sparkling dialogue and compelling storylines.
  • And on a serious note: our Mini-hands Julia dies this week, and we will truly miss the gem that is our shining Sydney Penny.
In my recent absence, y'all have kept this little blog here abuzz with ass-toot observations and witty banter. And there's oh-so-much more to discuss! Charles Pratt hired, Beth Ehlers chumped, Leven Rambin dumped, not to mention the mourning of the loss of another fine actress from the show. Keep on discussin', folks, here.

5/30/08 Podcast

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Jesse and Angie Can Barely See Straight!

(What with dangling on helicopters and all!)

I can barely see straight myself. I was away -- far away -- for a week with my man Carlos, but with no computer, no internet access, no television, nothing. So a) I'm truly sorry I didn't post sooner, and b) I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON ON ALL MY CHILDREN SINCE LAST TUESDAY!

So, loyal viewers, I will be hunkering down for the next 192 hours with your posts and my DVR, and will be feasting on what I'm told is a very, uh, turbulent Pine Valley. I can't wait.

Whilst I'm updating, I hope this PVP classic makes you giggle, and please -- keep those opinions flowing here.

7/13/07 Podcast

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Contrived Plots and Foiled Protagonists

  • Adam conveniently gets himself committed when he conveniently doesn't hear the team from Oak Haven enter his home.
  • Fusion conveniently gets a shipment of hooker dresses that Babe can use to scm Richie's gal-pal.
  • Jackson and Kendall conveniently get their cellphones switched, and Jack conveniently answers the phone when Erica calls to say just one more thing to Kendall about her affair with Aidan.
  • Ryan conveniently never had a vasectomy. (Actually, that's kind of inconvenient for Ryan, considering how many women in Pine Valley he's had sex with.)
Can you spell C-O-N-T-R-O-V-E-R-S-Y? A brouhaha is arising over the rumors that have Beth Ehlers from Guiding Light taking over the beloved role of Liza. We've got some pretty strong opinions already brewing -- some that even jeopardize the future of our little podcast! (Are you listening to your fans, Jordan Hudson?) Weigh in on the recasting -- and save Jordan Hudson! -- here.

5/16/08 Podcast

Monday, May 12, 2008

The Witching Hour

  • Dixie's sexy ghost is haunting Adam, and we're loving every minute of it.
  • Aidan and Jake magically make it back to Pine Valley from Africa in under two hours.
  • Blandie clearly isn't making any magic with Ryan. (Too bad she and Richie are related, because together, they'd be hot!)
  • Warren Buffet makes Opal's heart sing, but he doesn't do much else for our girl, Erica.
  • NuColby is a dud. Period.

Taylor's back for what is probably the PVP's 100th episode! He's had fun this week with Miss Dixie, Miss Erica, the Hot-Shot Doctor and the Doofus, and I've had fun having him back this week. Show Taylor some love -- and give your fellow bloggers some of those ass-toot opinions we know you have! -- here.

5/9/08 Podcast

Monday, May 05, 2008

A New Beginning?

  • Dixie's back as a ghost -- and we'll take it.
  • After a grueling 22 hours in solitary confinement, Sam Woods rescues Erica and gets her a new tube of lip gloss.
  • Blandie's up to no good, and viewers everywhere yawn.
  • Zach ships Aidan to Africa to rescue Jake Martin. (We, uh, see a pretty good opportunity here to, ahem, clear the path for Jake and Greenlee, Mr. and Mrs. Head Writer.... Just a suggestion, folks.)
  • Don't say "no-no" to Ya-Ya -- she's a keeper.

Lots of stuff to talk about. Where do we begin? Mini-Hands Julia rumors, new head writer rumors, Emmy busts, ladybugs.... Our little show has beens so much fun! Do your thing and post your thoughts on it all, here.

5/2/08 Podcast

Monday, April 28, 2008

Things Are Not As they Seem

  • Erica Kane has the B5 boys singing her praises -- or so those ABC execs would like us to think.
  • Jesse finds an old stuffed elephant in his grave, and we find a lot of b.s. in the various turns this storyline is taking.
  • Blandie tries to reel Ryan in with her sweet, understanding ways (with a little Tawana Brawley thrown in for good measure).
  • Zach and Kendall kiss and make up -- again, and again, and again, and again....

Okay, so a lot is coming up on the horizon for our little show. Dixie and Greg Nelson will be back for a few eppys, Colby Chandler will grow up almost overnight, and tragedy will befall the citizens of Pine Valley once again. It's almost too obvious who's gonna take the fall, and I'm not happy about the odds against a particular, mini-handed lovely. What have you heard (or not), and what do you think about what you have (or haven't) heard? Tell us, please!, here.

4/25/08 Podcast

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Zach's Achy-Breaky Heart

  • Kendall gets her infidelity off her chest, and lobs it onto Zach's shrinking heart.
  • Angie damn near opens up a can of whoop-ass on both Frankie and Jessie.
  • Things are getting back to normal with Blandie and Ryan - Blandie is blander than ever, and Ryan is wussier than ever.
  • Adam tells Krystal he loves her, then leaves her.
They got our girl. Depending on who's telling it, Ambyr Childers, who plays our beloved Colby Chandler, is either leaving to pursue other projects, or being recast because she's too damn young for Frankie. I say thank your lucky stars, Ambyr! On to bigger and better things for you, young lady! What do you think about the whole thing? Do your thang, here.

4/18/08 Podcast

Monday, April 14, 2008

Jenny, We Hardly Knew Ye

  • Jenny Junior gets a lesson on Jenny Gardner Nelson courtesy of Jesse, and we here at the PVP feel like we're in heaven with her.
  • Kendall prepares to tell the actual, real, no-joke-I-ain't-lyin' truth to Zach.
  • Blandie fails to hide the divorce papers from Ryan, only to have him ask her for more time. Huh???
  • Greenlee gets "the love of her life" back. (Uh oh. Excuse me for a second. I'm feeling sick again.)

Lots of rumors and innuendos this week, folks. We here at the Pine Valley Podcast love a little harmless gossip ourselves, so feel free to add your AMC insights here.

4/11/08 Podcast

Monday, April 07, 2008

Love vs. Honor

  • Carmen wusses out on her revenge plan, which means that Erica Kane better do some more quick thinking!
  • Blandie seems ready to throw in the towel with Ryan, whilst a babbling Aidan (who is no stranger to babbling) blows it with Greens.
  • Jessie and Angie renew their vows, and we're glad they did.
All My Children, or Todos Mis Hijos? Jordan and I begged to differ a little on the, uh, direction of the Erica Kane/Carmen Morales storyline, but y'all tell us what you think, here.

4/04/08 Podcast

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Why You Gotta Give Me The Run-Around?

  • Erica and Carmen are connected at the wrists and on the run. (Good thing neither one of them has has to go the bathroom.)
  • Greenlee gives that ol' Blandie what-for! (And I think Ms. Blandie is gonna give it right back.)
  • Baby Ian appears alive, whilst Josh and A-Mam-da should really have the Pine Valley Police looking for them.
It's a free-for-all this week, folks. I'm liking things well enough on All My Children right now -- let's just say that I haven't thrown any shoes at Carlos' high-definition television in a while. Tell us what you think about AMC these days, here.

(And don't forget: if you haven't had the chance to tell TPTB that we need Dixie Cooney Martin alive and well on our show, go to for instructions on how to e-mail them all.)

3/28/08 Podcast

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Everybody Needs a Hero

  • Colby and Frankie run for their lives, as Jessie verbally spars with that kooky Gardner.
  • Angie cries all over the new hospital room set, making those white uniforms look a little less bright.
  • Babe and J.R. get closer, and Richie gets creepier.
  • Ryan still doesn't remember Blandie, but he does remember how to manipulate a woman.
  • Carmen Morales shines almost as bright as Erica Kane, and we, for one, can't wait for more.
Okay, folks, so let's talk. The hot news is talk of Dixie Cooney Martin's return to All My Children. Only, for heaven's sake!, she's coming back as a #*&^%#^%%$% ghost!!! Tell us what you think of this crappy idea, here.

(And don't forget to go to for information on how to tell TPTB that they need to bring a LIVING Dixie home for good!)

3/21/08 Podcast

Monday, March 17, 2008

Carmen's in 'da House!

But Ashley is not. :(

I'm out this week, folks. Sorry, but Carlos had to go visit his mom in Glen Burnie, Maryland, and I'm with him, stuck in the Holiday Inn here with my computer, but no access to a microphone.

And I'm itching, people - itching! My girl, Elizabeth Rodriguez, is on the show, and she is amazing. (And to all a' y'all that want to go ahead and tell TPTB at AMC that Carmen needs a sister, and that you know just who would be perfect for the job, feel free to write in!)

Jordan will be with me next week, but until then, I'm taking a suggestion from you all, and posting and oldie-but-goodie episode featuring me and my beloved former co-host, Taylor Crawford. This one is in honor of Miss Colby Chandler, who always seems to shine in moments of duress. Take a listen, have a laugh (I hope), and - as always - let us know what you think, here.

4/13/07 Podcast

Monday, March 10, 2008

An Ode to Cheating Eskimo Kisses

  • Aidan keeps Kendall safe by reciting her poetry.
  • Luckily, Ryan's memory loss does not affect his recall for the number for the Pine Valley Airlines.
  • Greenlee and Zach "eskimo" kiss?
  • Erica foils Sam Woods by going to jail. (That will show him!)
  • Blandie and Ryan make love, and this time, I don't fall asleep!
  • Jessie yells at Angie, Tad, Frankie and Krystal.

Oh, Aidan Turner! How do we love thee? Let us count the ways! Give us your opinion on Aidan: a talented thespian, or basically beefcake? Discuss, here.

3/7/08 Podcast

Sunday, March 02, 2008

I Am Woman!

  • The Fusion women show the world their independence - by showing each other their breasts.
  • Blandie wins Ryan back - by kicking him to the curb.
  • Erica Kane will go to prison! (And she will bring her makeup case this time around.)
Some spirited conversation on the PVP this week, folks! disagree on Blandie--or, uh, "Annie," as Jordan insists on calling her. Did she do the right thing by kicking Ryan to the curb? Did she do Helen Reddy proud, or would Dr. Robin cringe? Ponder, discuss, rant, do what you will, here.

2/29/08 Podcast

Sunday, February 24, 2008

We've Got Tonight...

  • Jesse and Angie make love, but not future plans, as Jesse insists he has to leave Pine Valley for good.
  • Babe and J.R. make love, numerous times, as Richie makes more evil plans. (This one makes Libidozone and poisonous pancakes look like child's play, people.)
  • Greenlee and Aidan make love, but thank goodness we don't have to see it.
  • Erica makes money, and a new enemy in Samuel Woods, who locks her up for insider trading.

This week on the podcast, I asked Pedro this question and now I'll ask you: for those of y'all who weren't around when Jesse and Angie fell in love twenty years ago, are you as moved by their storyline as those of us who were? Discuss this, and anything else your little heart desires, here.

2/22/08 Podcast

Monday, February 18, 2008

How Many Really Know What Love Is?

  • Angie finally sees Jesse - alive - on a train to nowhere. (With that train going in reverse, thank goodness Angie makes it off the tracks alive to see him.)
  • Ryan finally realizes that Kendall is a way hotter catch than Blandie.
  • Fusion goes "Red" - and I'm red with embarassment at the shameless product promotion of a certain soup company. (It is keeping our little show alive, though...)
  • Note to Erica: People of color (and women) can do accounting, too.

I wanna know: in spite of silly haystacks and oddly classic train cars, were you hurtling tears as I was when Jesse and Angie saw each other for the first time? This and anything else you wanna talk about, you do it, here.

2/15/08 Podcast

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Love the One You're With

  • Ryan has forgotten Blandie, and wants to spend time with Kendall.
  • Blandie knows that Ryan doesn't want to spend time with her, so she spends time with Zach.
  • Zach worries that Kendall wants to spend time with Ryan, but Kendall is actually stuck on a plane with her unintentional paramour, Aidan.
  • Aidan doesn't seem to need to spend all that much time with Greenlee.
  • For someone who's so concerend about the danger his loved ones are in, Jesse sure is spending a lot of time around Angie and Frankie.
Taylor Crawford is back on the PVP this week, people! Give Taylor a PVP Shoutout (and perhaps your own PVP thoughts, too) here.

2/08/08 Podcast

Sunday, February 03, 2008

The Return of the King

  • Jessie's back!
  • Ryan seems like his old self again.
  • Richie is still alive.
  • Blandie is still alive (unfortunately).
  • Erica is still alive, despite the fact that she donated a pint of blood to Greenlee. (I do think there is a weight minimum for donating blood, people.)

Lots of "ins" and "outs" folks! Jordan and I differed big-time on our wish-list of characters we wish would return to All My Children. Join in the converstion, and give us your picks, here.

2/01/08 Podcast

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful...

(I don't know why that's my title this week. It just is.)

Listen, folks, technical difficulties this week. So no podcast. Sorry. Please don't hate me. I feel guilty enough without having y'all mad at me, too.

Here's what we're gonna do, though. The show is so good right now (IMHO) that I'm gonna leave it up to y'all to write what I should have covered this week on the podcast.

What would I have covered? I probably would have talked about how much I cry every time I see Angie and Frankie on screen, how much I'm loving OldNuGreenlee, and how RI-DIC-A-LOUS "Charmed" is (listen, if my girl and aSTOUNDing romance novelist Tess Mallory can't get a Hyperion book deal with movie rights and worldwide distribution, ain't no way Miss Kendall can!).

I would not have talked (much) about Colby and Dre nor -- sorry Ms. Lucci -- Erica's "New Beginnings" Jack-a-thon. I would have covered, though, Blandie's dumb new deal with the devil, Ryan's gradual but exciting return as someone who is actually interesting, and the Fusion catfight. (Anytime Ms. Chrishelle Stause lights up the small screen, I'm a happy viewer).

Let's see... Oh, yeah -- Tad and Krystal are boring me to tears, but JR's hair? I would pay money for someone to find a picture of the Battlestar Galactica character that JR looks like! In that black turtleneck and iron-straightened hair and square head!? I love Jacob Young, but I kuh-rack UP every time I get a glimpse of our new man-girl!

I also definitely would have talked about the scab writers, and how I was concerned about AMC until I found out that AMC head writers James Harmon-Brown and Barbara Esensten were the scab writers! (Something about breaking strike for "financial reasons.") People, I'm sort of glad that the show won't gop too far off track, but scabbing? Not cool. I don't buy for one hot minute that these two can't afford to stay out of work. If anything, I bet the return of Rebecca Budig, Debi Morgan and Darnell Williams were all sealed with the news that the head writers would be writing for them. (Just my opinion, folks, just my opinion.) I just think it's crappy that they're scabbing.

But I am loving Jesse's return!! Oh, folks, I haven't cried this hard since Dixie died! (And I didn't actually cry that hard when Dixie died, because when she did, I was mostly pissed.) Everytime Jesse or Angie are on screen, I well up. It's just so amazing having these talented, loving, beautiful people back. I feel like a kid again!

Okay, enough from me! Post your "Podcast" here.


Sunday, January 20, 2008

Welcome Back!

  • "The Real Greenlee" (as those marketing geniuses at ABC prefer to call her) returns to All My Children looking like her old self again.
  • Debi Morgan returns as Angie, looking like her very young self again.
  • Opal and Palmer make an appearance (but we won't talk about their ages).
  • Finally, newcomer Cornelius Smith returns as "Quentin," and we here at the PVP can't wait to see what's next (even though we already kind of know).

Like we said, we here at the PVP can't wait for Jessie and Angie (and "Quentin"). Angie's just about here, and Jessie, well, we'll get him at the end of the week, we think. How do you want to see this unfold? Do you even care? Let us know if we're crazy (or just Jessie-and-Angie crazy), here.

1/18/07 Podcast

Monday, January 14, 2008

Out With the Old, In With the Old

  • Hannah goes nuts, tries to kill Kendall, then falls off a cliff with Zach.
  • Sabine bravely works her way through what's left of her storyline.
  • Ryan goes loopy - and gets interesting again.
  • Del? Jonathan? Ava? Sean (sort of)? Anyone there?
Happy New Year, folks! Lots of "New Beginnings" (and Frons-style endings, sadly) are on the horizon for All My Children. Tell us what your wishes are for the show in 2008, here.

1/11/07 Podcast

Monday, January 07, 2008

My stomach feels about as good as Ryan's bleeding head.

I'm a little under the weather after the holidays, folks. Got that dang stomach retrovirus or whatever is going around.

I was hoping to be back in full-force this week, but it may not happen. I'll try to put a show together tonight if I can. Probably solo, but I miss you all and there is lots to talk about.

For now, the real question is: Hannah's rock hard abs -- fierce or frightening? Discuss.

Hope y'all had a Happy New Year!

Ash xo