DON’T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE PRATTHOLE!!

Prattostrophic. Prattastrophe. The Tornado. Dr. Sinclair. Randi. Di. Marissa. Dr. Evil. Relentless Annie. Stuart. Headwounds. Comas. The Cougar.

It began with a storm of epic proportions-the Tornado that was to wipe the Pine Valley canvas clean, reboot AMC and re-energize the ABC daytime lineup. Ironically, all we lost was Kendall’s seaside cabin and The Comeback. Even Babe is still around, sort of. The real damage wasn’t the tornado, it was the relentless stupidity of Head Writer Chuck Pratt whose path of destruction, misogyny, disrespect, carelessness and ineptitude has been limitless and titanic.

I have to hand it to our very own Jordan Hudson. He called it from the start. He was familiar with Chuck Pratt and predicted how we would suffer under the hell of Pratt’s pen. It quickly became apparent to the rest of us the minute we found out Bianca was pregnant with her sister’s husband’s baby. And it all just imploded after that as promising stories bombed and offended: Taylor, Brot and Jake; Who Shot Stuart; the Dance-a-thon; and infamously, Bianca and Reese. All fine, even brilliant actors in the roles couldn’t save the randomly idiotic plot points. It’s been a brilliantly explosive and excruciating nosedive into the toilet for a show rich in history, esteemed for its social relevance and beloved for its actors and the legacy put forth by the legendary Agnes Nixon. In fact, Erica actually scrubbed the toilet with Annie’s bangs if I recall correctly.

But suddenly something happened. Somebody woke up and started paying attention and holding people accountable. Somebody put down their crack pipe and, in a moment of clarity, realized that a huge opportunity with the 40th anniversary was about to be squandered. It was announced that Julia Barr is returning. For however brief a stint it may be, it was a huge announcement. Hayley, Mateo, Nina, Greg, Maria, Lily, Bianca will be there all played by the fan faves who originated the characters. Coming on the heels of Aidan’s merciful departure and Colby’s recast, our imaginations ran wild with speculation of the possibilities, but it was hard to ignore the fact that Pratt is still writing for the show. If Susan Lucci and Debbi Morgan can’t spin this shit into gold, how could any of them do it? More than likely we would watch the 40th in anticipation only to feel cheated in the end with people who sound and look the part, but act more like people out of Stepford Wives or pods from Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Let’s face it, Pratt never got it. Why would this be any different? I figured the 40th would be the end for me--a good point to thank the actors for caring enough to try and just wave goodbye to a show I’ve loved for literally as long as I can remember—almost the entire run of the show.

Then came the news that Pratt has been released from his duties as head writer followed by the doozie that Lorraine Broderick will be writing through the transition. I always said we fans would weather Pratt’s storm, but I was this close to giving up. When you love something, you go out of your way to make time for it. In my life, I have skipped school and work for this show, stayed up way too late, procrastinated on completing tasks of far greater significance, just to tune in and catch up with my Pine Valley friends and neighbors. It just wasn’t worth it anymore. But suddenly my hope has been restored. I don’t know who to thank, but if you are reading this, even if you were the one who brought Pratt to town, I forgive you and I thank you for having the courage to make this change. I don’t really care why or how it came to be. I just appreciate the fact that it appears that maybe you are paying attention and taking charge. While I am grateful and I really want to acknowledge all of the incredibly wonderful changes taking place, there is one very significant truth that still has to be dealt with:

All My Children still freaking sucks.

It’s horrendous. As we speak Annie is in a coma. David Hayward is holding Amanda’s womb hostage. Madison is hiding in a closet somewhere. JR is still bald. Aidan hasn’t left. Randi is still alive. AMC can’t course correct fast enough. ABC needs to swallow the bitter pill, pony up the money and rewrite, reshoot and reinvent this show STAT! Don’t even waste time trying to make sense out of Pratt’s bullshit. Just drop his stories and characters like yesterday’s Taylor Thompson. Poof! Make it all disappear.

Control. Alt. Delete. Reboot!

It’s the holidays. I’d rather watch ‘best of’ compilations, classic reruns, and reunion shows where people just get together, exchange pleasantries and eat cookies than see anymore episodes where Annie acts crazy, Aidan acts jealous, David acts evil, Adam acts feeble, Erica acts horny, Jessie acts stupid, Tad bores me to death, and anyone suffers blunt trauma to the head. Give Lorraine free reign and support to do her thing. Tell me when we can expect to start seeing the results of her influence because until I know for sure that Pratt’s material is finished and her material has started, I’m not watching.

So WooHoo Pratt is gone! Hip Hip Hooray Colby’s been recast! Three cheers for Julia Barr’s return! And all that other good stuff.

But it don’t mean shit until Pratt disappears from Pine Valley for good.

What’s going through your minds? What characters should Lorraine bring back? Share your hopes, thoughts and wishes right here.