Keep It Simple

• Emma faked a tummy ache knowing Ryan would immediately rush her to the hospital where she could sneak away to visit Annie. Is Emma the new Crazy Kathy? Like Mother, Like Daughter I hope.
  
• Aside from the complete implausibility of the plot, Chrishell Stause delivered an emotional and moving performance as Amanda delivered a perfect baby boy and told the world he died. David continued to defy the limits of time, logic and probability by being everywhere, all the time, at just the right time. Fortunately for David, flights leave Pine Valley every 30 minutes for Barbados. After finding out Jake and Amanda were there, he immediately hopped a flight and arrived minutes after the birth. The entire hospital staff was primed and ready for him and swore the baby died. Will David just accept the baby’s death or will he keep harassing Amanda until she cracks? Where is Janet From Another Planet in Amanda’s hour of need? David is no match for Grandma JFAP.


• Speaking of David, he proved his love for Krystal by driving drunk and wrecking into a guardrail. Krystal suffered her 80th head injury this year and was hospitalized just after she did a Penelope Pittstop in Tad’s arms. David also mocked Marissa for trying to be the daughter he never had, but JR made her feel better by explaining how she reminded him of cherry coke swilling, guacamole eating Saint Babe of Pine Valley.


• Tad mixed with the ladies and showed chemistry with JaLu, KWAK and Taylor. After reminiscing about old times with JaLu and realizing that Krystal’s heart is still with her head bashing husband, he pondered if Tad the Cad was dead. Then he sipped wine and popped a woody with Taylor at the ConFusion bar. Taylor and Brot’s relationship hit the skids.


• Angie’s Mood Weave turned limp and lifeless as Angie fretted over Frankie’s future. Frankie continued his downward spiral unable to turn the pages of his favorite magazine, sip from a wine goblet, or eat macaroni and cheese with a fork. The whole family staged an intervention and reminded him that he’s married to a really hot hooker.


• JaLu took on Annie’s case, while Adam accepted Annie into his home and kicked JR and Lil’ A out on their Lil’ Asses.


• Adam and the DA continue working to make the case against Kendall, who responded by sleeping late, watching TV, playing with her kids and parading about in low-cut blouses revealing her glistening 10” scar. Adam & Co. may be out to get her, but she’s too busy rubbing Mederma scar fading cream all over her chest and fantasizing about a ménage a trios’ with Ryan and Zach to care.


• Ryan kissed Erica in a weird, unnecessary scene. Annie kissed Adam and I felt a little bile rise up in the back of my throat, although I wonder who is playing who. Adam and Annie are gross, but sort of interesting. Ryan and Erica are just gross. Pratt says the audience wants it to happen though. The lesson here is: keep it simple enough for Pratt to understand or he will misinterpret what we say. Here’s how you do it:
  
  F-I-R-E C-H-U-C-K P-R-A-T-T !
  
  Now it’s your turn, right here.