Emmy-non-a-mous!

Well, leave it up to the Daytime Emmys to make Brittany Allen a star! (Not even her starring role on All My Children could do for Ms. Allen's career what a miserable 2-hour show that no one watched did.)

I could NOT have said it better than Joe Flint from the Los Angeles Times. Take that, CBS! (Dipshits!)

What do you think, dear viewers? We still care, and we want to know! Do your thing, beautiful people, here?

6/20/11 Podcast

Heading for Greener Pastures?

Jordan is miserable in the city, Ashley is less miserable in the country, and All My Children is, well, miserable.

We're anxiously awaiting the arrival of Aggie and Lorraine, with their scripts beginning to air, we hear, on June 27th. Oh, June 27th, you can't come fast enough!

Our apologies if the podcast is boring or crappy this week. That's just how Jordan and I have been feeling over the state of our little show. Maybe you can cheer us up, here?

5/27/11 Podcast

April 14, 2011: The Day Soap Operas Died

Your comments, thoughts, tributes, goodbyes - here.

4/15/11 Podcast

(A special shout-out to Luis, who not only gave us a brand new opening theme for the PVP, but who is also making his own contribution to the dramatic void left by Fronshole's murderous rampage. Check out The Place. Now.)

Less Than Perfect

Yeah, so, okay.... All My Children - uh, no, folks. It's not much better this week.

Things continue on a downward spiral. As if evil priests weren't enough, we now have to deal with Evil Jesse. (This, dear listeners, is a perfect oxymoron.) I kid you not, folks. We have another - yes, I'm about to say it. (Deep breath!) Another - stolen - baby!

We don't deserve this. The actors don't deserve this. Let's hope it provides some opportunity for Debbie Morgan and Darnell Williams to shine (as they always somehow manage to), but for the love of God! In the name of all that is soap, Brian Frons! WTF?!? You are about to get cancelled, mother f*ck$r! What the HELL are all of you dipshits at ABC doing?!?!?!?!

I've said it before, I'll say it again. With cancellation rumors flying, we need your comments, ideas, and thoughts now more than ever. So do your thing, dear listeners and viewers, here.

3/25/11 Podcast

Hold On!

Our little show is hanging by a thread, folks.

I'm back from sunny FL, but things couldn't be dimmer for All My Children. From tired storylines to abysmal ratings and overblown budgets, things aren't looking good for our beloved sudser. I hope the insiders are wrong, but if they're right, Susan Lucci will be looking for a job for the first time in 40+ years.

But the hell with what we think! What do YOU think? Tell us, dear viewers, here.

3/11/11 Podcast

THIS. SUCKS. BALLS.

(Gotta thank Dancing Elf for that title.)

I'm in Florida with the babies, and Jordan is doing battle with the Queens of Gay-Bar-dom, so this will be it until March. We had so much fun recording this, but not so much fun watching AMC before doing so. I dunno - I just think Julie Hanan Craputhers and crew are counting the days until cancellation. (And what the hell is up with Binx's mumus? I swear, they should make a springwear collection of them called All My Mumus. Seriously, wardrobe? Seriously?)

We're behind a week or so (taped this on February 4th), so the sucky-ness relates to all things All My Children prior to that date. Is it getting better? Worse? Is this all worth it? What the hell do we all do with ourselves once the show gets the ax?

(And did anyone tape the Oprah Soap Stars eppy? The bites on YouTube suck, and I missed it 'cuz I'm in Florida!! I would pay y'all to send me a DVD copy. Seriously. Or if anyone knows how I can get it, I'm all ears. I've heard from my Titi that it was awesome, and the two clips I saw - the Susan Lucci stuff and the "Luke & Laura" stuff - were great.)

Anyway, lots to discuss. Missing you all already, and hope you'll keep up the convo here.

2/4/11 Podcast

OMG!!!! Madison is pregnant with Ryan's Baby!!!!

I can barely contain myself!

(Not really, Fronsie.)

Please! Mr. Brian Frons! What the HELL is NOT going on on your gat-damned show! I am so BORED I could SPIT! You got some good actors coming round - puh-leeze! Put the camera on them - Ms. Cara, Mr. Scott, ANYTHING Ins-Annie - and remove it from ANYTHING Bad-ison, Ry-ass or Yawn-lee. Please. For the love of God, Frons-hole! For the love of God!

On another note..... You are warned, beloved listeners. I had the damn gain on the mic all the way up for the first 8 minutes or so of the podcast. Please - turn down your personal listening devices for at least the first 8 minutes or so. We cannot afford to pay anyone's ear doctor bills.

And if you're not too mad at us for partially blowing our your eardrums, feel free to post a thing or two here. We'd love to hear from you, and hope that you can actually still *hear* after listening to the 'cast this week. Truly.

xo!

1/14/11 Podcast

Out With the New, In With the Old

Happy New Year, people! And with a new year comes new... I mean, old? I mean, new? characters on the canvas. Yes, it's all a little confusing - lots of new folks on the screen, some old ones have come back, but it's all still interesting, at least, in our humble opinions....

Hope you enjoy the new podcast - still having sound problems, but maybe that will be our New Year's Resolution! Thanks for being a part of our little family, and Jordan and I wish you all the best to your and your families in 2011! And you know what? As always, you can share all you want - we'll listen! - here.

12/30/10 Podcast

Comings and Goings

First of all, thank you, Sir Shadow, for your recent post. If I didn't have a new podcast to share, I'd be piggybacking off of you, my talented friend!

And whilst Jordan may not be agreeing, I, dear Sir, wholeheartedly do! Our All My Children has bit a bit dreary for this weary mom of toddler twins. (Can you believe that Jesse and Essie are 18 months old?) *But* - an this is a big but! - it's getting better, people.

I loved the new hot guy entrance (can't remember his name for the life of me, but dag! I remember that face, and Jake's punch!), loved David bustin' into the courtroom (horribly contrived, yes, but fun), loved me some Damon lending an ear to our hot-mess Liza, and really, really still love Annie and J.R. (though I needs me some more Annie crazies. Don't need any more "Greenlees" on the show!).

Jordan finds lots more to love about our little show, but you'll have to listen to find out. Still a few hot spots with the sound, so y'all are officially warned, but we're getting better, I think.

So happy to be with you post-Thanksgiving, and hope you'll stay with us as we talk anything AMC (and anything else your little hearts desire) here.

11/26/10 Podcast

All My Chidlrnwennnnn...Oops, I Think I Fell Asleep

Hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving! I started a new blog post a week or so ago, but life got in the way and I never finished it. It had all sorts of interesting commentary about the state of All My Children, what it means to me and how, in a nutshell, it had been boring me to death. I wasn't saying it was Pratt-awful, but I the fact that I was falling asleep while fast forwarding the episodes was telling. I was finding it all rather dull and uninspired. I was hoping Ashley and Jordan would post a new podcast and save me from admitting that I've become hopelessly behind, but it seems life got in their way too.

All My Children fell low on my priority list when Ryan & Greenlee started having cave sex or whatever they were doing in there. There are just so many things wrong with the idea of cave sex in these modern times. I had a string of one-liners in my incomplete post about the cave scenes. Apparently, the cave was located in "the islands" probably off the Pennsylvania coast somewhere. I don't know for sure because, as I said, I haven't watched it, but if it's cozy enough for sex then I would imagine every deranged Center City criminal is hiding out in there. Maybe that's where Bobby Martin and other characters who disappear from Pine Valley go to hide out. Like the island on Lost maybe The Pine Valley Caves are a purgatory type place where you must wait until Father Clarence allows you to rejoin your loved ones for a holiday episode, short story arc, or until Ryan gets his memory back. Whatever the case may be, caves are usually covered in bat shit and that's gross. In fact, I find the thought of sand in my junk and on her junk and bat shit on our junk and Center City hobos and long forgotten characters lurking around inside the cave whilst I make covet my true love kind of revolting. It certainly doesn't seem romantic. I've never seen a Harlequin at SuperTarget with a picture of hot people going at it on a sandy cave floor. I have never known a woman who looked at me and said, "Shadow, more than anything, I want you to make sweet relations with me in a cave full of batshit and Bobby Martin." Whoever at ABC has the cave, well, and sewer drainage fetish needs to let it go already.

Anyway, this past week was all about Zach and David Hayward. Neither are my personal favorites so I haven't tried too hard to tune in and see Zach bite it and David yell 'Gotcha!' or whatever at the trial. (Did I disclose that I haven't actually watched it?) They've both been turned into such stooges over the years, and soap trials just don't cut it anymore. Primetime procedural drama has raised the bar too high for the sort of half-assed legal maneuverings of Jack and Liza. Liza was actually going to be her own witness at one point! Everybody in the courtroom has had sex with everybody else in the courtroom. Jack was defending his daughter, examining his wife...so stupid. Nothing remotely suspensful or realistic and they wasted a decent actress in the role of the judge.

I thought the whole Hayward storyline sucked from start to finish, although I'm pleased it's given all the actors some nice performance moments. Still, faking death may be Hayward's most egregious offense yet. Considering the misery he cost so many and the vast expense of the city in prosecuting Greenlee, it bothers me that yet again he'll probably face no consequences. (However, if he can give Angie her sight back, I'll get over it.) As for Zach, I can't believe he fell victim to a Rylee plot. He was allegedly a bad-ass from a tough, mobb-ish family and he had to die this way? I'm sure it seemed heroic to Frons, but Zach's death is really just another thing for current fans to blame on Ryan and Greenlee. And what was with Liza being all sad about Zach's death? She screwed him one time on a craps table in a casino. I'm all for history, but not Pratt history. Please never remind me of anything Pratt. In fact, AMC should just send Gabrielle to fetch a coat in the Martin attic or for a day of fun in the Pine Valley Caves.

If you ask me, killing Zach under these conditions was a stupid move and the whole thing with Hayward, Ryan and Zach was absurdly implausible. I don't mind stretching my imagination, but none of this made a lick of sense. It was all so plot driven, much like the Rylee romance has always been and continues to be. The fact that there is nothing organic or graceful about Rylee is the reason the audience rejects them as a couple. No matter how much we may try, we simply can't suspend our disbelief enough for cave sex or craps sex or all the events that have to line up to fake your death and then reveal yourself exactly at the moment the verdict is reached. And at the end of it all, Greenlee and Ryan still could have more chemistry with farm animals.

Therein lies the problem with the show. There's nothing much natural or relatable about anything that happens these days. Angie shouldn't be blind. Zach shouldn't have died trying to help Rylee on some BS island sex den. Dastardly Hayward could never have worked out his whole digitalis plan. The love story of Greenlee and Ryan didn't grow out of any emotion remotely accessible to the viewers, but rather a series of contrived plot points that have resulted in the termination of several head writers.

There are some good things. The characters sound more like themselves than they used to under Pratt. The occasional nod to history is appreciated. JR and Annie are smoking hot. I appreciate the writers letting them slow burn. Marissa has stepped it up. Erica and Jack are back. I love them and love the material they are giving Jack. (Caleb, not so much. He may not be as big and fat, but he's still boring and makes a Boo Boo Kitty lip when he's sad.) I like the way Madison called Ryan out for being the rescuer type. Hopefully, she isn't pregnant with his demon kid. Asher? Idiot. Can't act. Damon? Why is he a supporting player now? At least he's great when he's on with Liza who, by the way, needs to give up her legal career and go back to TV or media. The courtroom is boring and trite. Liza needs to go digital. Colby? She's coming along nicely as the Chandler with a conscience albeit a tad dimwitted. Tad? Golden. Opal? The only one who is never, ever boring. Krystal? Still not Brooke.

So there you have it. That's where I'm at with our show. I want to get excited, but I can't get pumped up about Griffin. Cara sort of sounds interesting, especially if she ends up with Bianca, but I'm not holding my breath. Tell me what I'm missing or why you totally get where I'm coming from, right here.

Uh, I Think I'm Gonna Be Sick

Okay, folks, so it's been forever-and-a-day since you've heard from us, and, well, no - things are not a whole helluva lot better for me with All My Children. I mean, yes, Erica is back, but a girl cannot live on Erica and Fat Caleb alone! That's like eating pork rinds on rice crackers. Nass-tee!

This week, we dish on the Kids, One Life and GH, as well as a little primetime, a little pop-time, and an OT (that's "off topic" for those a y'all who don't speak blog abbreviations) rant or two. I will warn you - I'm still blowing out the sound a bit, so the 'cast may get loud in spots. This loud Puerto Rican apologizes in advance, and warns you to listen at your own risk!

Seriously, though, Jordan and I are so glad to be back, and we're so glad that you're still listening. Now it's our turn to listen to you: leave your ass-toot thoughts and opinions on anything and everything daytime (or anytime) here.

10/06/10 Podcast

May Tomorrow Be a Perfect Day...

Okay people - some days it's freakin' GREAT, and others? Not so much for me. But All My Children, as Jordan says, is by far a much better show than it has been in YEARS. So, yes - AMC *sucked* for me this week, but there are moments, folks, moments of incredible greatness and hotness. This AMC is still must-see for me, and I couldn't say that for a very, very long time.

I got a new microphone. The Yeti. (Jordan calls him Diego.) Still figuring it out, so we're not there yet. But we're sounding better. We think. Hope you like it.

And do your thing, as you always do, here.

8/27/10 Podcast

The Kids Are All Right

I think most of our dear bloggers/listeners are feelin' All My Children, but some just aren't there yet. (Don't count me in on that pool, baby - I'm a lovin' my AMC!)

Our friends over at WeLoveSoaps.net present a measured argument for both schools of thought - take a gander at their thoughtful analysis. Then take a listen to Jordan and I for some more thoughtful (and some not-so-thoughtful) thoughts. We love sharing them.

And, of course, even if you don't end up loving AMC, we still love you and thank you for hanging out with us. And when you're done, we hope you'll tell us what you think here.

7/29/10 Podcast

Daytime Emmy Mania!

Okay, so maybe it wasn't mania. Okay, fine - the 37th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards (as hosted by the been-there-done-that Regis Philbin) barely made a ripple on the entertainment scene. Me, I caught the last 20 minutes and got my Twitter on, so I was, uh, content. (Susan Lucci's black dress alone made me happy.)

This week, we'll talk the Emmy's that weren't, the All My Children that was, and the other daytime (and nightime) shows interesting enough to merit the title of "drama." (And please pardon the crappy sound. I still haven't taken Ms. Pat's advice and purchased a new mic for my new Mac, and we actually used my iPhone headset to record. Seriously.)

In the meantime, do your thing, dear viewers and listeners, here.

6/28/10 Podcast

Some Spicy Sh&t is Happening!

Besides Jordan's adventures with sexy lesbians, All My Children is showing some heat! Between J.R./Annie/Scott (and eBabe?) and Liza/Tad/Damon (and Colby?), and maybe, just maybe, even Greenlee and Ryan (but definitely not David!), we're loving our love in the afternoon. A tad more sex, please, and we'll be very happy lil' soapers!

We must admit, though, that this podcast was a bit hacked together. Another PC mishap, and I'm now permanently divorced from that nasty platform. I'm still learning how to Mac, so the sound quality is, uh, off, but hope you enjoy what we were able to piece together.

What are your thoughts, dear viewers? We know you'll chime in (and we hope you do!) here.

6/11/10 Podcast

Love in the Afternoon?

We're not getting much love in the afternoon, but we're getting some good drama, people! ABC is delivering the daytime goods, and we hope you're enjoying it as much as we are.

This month's (!) podcast is extra long, since we've made you wait an extra-long time for it. The twin's first birthday is coming up on June 4th (!!), and I've made it my personal goal to devote more time to the 'cast and our awesome lil' community. Wish me luck!

Hope you enjoy, and, as always, please, please, please (!!!) join in on the conversation here.

5/21/10 Podcast

To Sirs, With Love

We love you, James Mitchell, and we adore you, David Canary.

This show is for both of you, with all our love.

(And, of course, to our amazing listeners and viewers, feel free to chime in here.)

4/23/10 Podcast

Screaming Through the Rooftops

It's been a while, and we're hopped up! (You may want to keep your hand on the volume controls for this podcast.) We're so happy to be back, and even happier to be looking forward to watching All My Children every day.

It's good, people. Really good. Not sure what to expect when our beloved LoBro leaves, but we'll take what we can get for now.

One Life to Live? That's another story - literally. (But General Hospital gets a special mention. They're doing some brilliant work over there, folks. Might be next on my DVR list if OLTL goes down the toilet.)

Thanks for sticking around and sticking with us. As always, leave your ass-toot thoughts and commentary here, and we'll be right there with you.

Oh happy day!

4/9/10 Podcast

We Love It!

Okay, so we may not be shouting it through the rooftops (and that's only because my babies were sleeping), but - and I'm almost afraid to write this - we love All My Children right now! From Tad acting his age to Brooke and Annie going head to head, to a trip down memory lane with our beloved Dixie, to the return of the REAL Greenlee (and we're not talking about the actress!), the residents of our beloved Pine Valley are feeling like their old selves again. And we here at the PVP are grateful.

This is the show we grew up with, folks - the quiet moments that our co-host Shadow talks about, the relationships, the warts-and-all characters that we love no matter their foibles. (Well, maybe there are a few we could do without.) Thank you, Lorraine. Thank you. You're one of the greats.

So for the few of you who didn't always appreciate our frank commentary on the sad state of affairs (IOHO) at AMC, tune into this 'cast. We even complained about One Life to Live! (We'd like to think we're nothing if not fair.)

So turn on and tune in, viewers. And please, please, please let us know what you think here.

3/12/10 Podcast

Allow Me To Introduce Myself...

I have been bantering back and forth today on Twitter about the new General Hospital opening. Apparently, people are really happy with it. I'm a little more reserved about it, but most of you know I don't have a particular sentimental spot for GH. As I'm sure you all realize, I like the introduction to AMC better, but really that's irrelevant to my point.

Here's the deal. I want the entire ABC soap block to thrive so I'm thrilled to see ABC trying to win the easy points. That old GH opening was ridiculous. Although the new intro is certainly much nicer and much more contemporary, it's still a little derivative of the AMC intro, and I think that sells GH a little short. I feel the same way about the OLTL intro. Why does everything on ABC daytime have to look the same? That's not a rule in Primetime and, to be honest, I don't want to watch 3 hours of lookalike programming. I think each show should have its own identities beginning with their opening and closing sequences. ABC can brand the time period with the similar visual cues on the bumpers between the shows.

Back when ABC Daytime stamped AMC, GH and OLTL with similar opening looks, I'm sure it sounded like a good idea to some corporate marketing dingleberry, but as a fan I want creativity—something that hooks me when the show starts. I love that AMC theme song. When I hear that guitar strum I go all Dick Van Dyke jumping ottomans to get to the TV. I like how AMC kept the falling pictures motif, how the photos blast across the screen in synch with the music, and the vintage pictures of Pheobe. It gets me stirred up emotionally every single time. It's not as sentimental to me as the 1990 version where the lamp turns on and camera pans across senior cast members Phoebe, Langley, Brooke and Adam, but it's better than most of what's on TV day or night. Think about the pitiful one to five note chimes for Lost, Heroes or Desperate Housewives. The opening sequence and theme song has become a lost art.

The AMC theme song has layers. It starts with a catchy little strum, then a startling guitar strum grabs your attention and the song swells into a rich pallet of piano, winds and strings before gently fading away with a misty eyed Bianca blowing away in the wind and Erica taking her place back in the AMC family album. (So far, I don’t like anyone in the fly away other than Bianca. It definitely shouldn’t be a dude in the flyaway.) The original AMC opening and theme was quite appropriate in its day, but even at the age of 5 I remember thinking, "They really need to perk this up". The "white pearls" opening sucked if you ask me. Bringing back the falling pictures in the mid-90s was brilliance.

Oops, I've digressed. Yes, I'm biased. AMC is my sentimental fave on all counts, but I have a lot of heartfelt sentiment for OLTL too, especially the Cord, Tina, Max, Gabrielle years when I watched it without fail. When OLTL came out with that Peebo Bryson theme song for OLTL it was a BIG deal. Honestly, my favorite was the instrumental version with the pictures of the town and the collage of faces at the end. It told a story. It always made me feel like I'd left Pine Valley and taken a quick drive to a nice town not far away where Wanda Woleck sold pie and people traveled back in time and to underground cities. The main thing was that after an hour of AMC, the OLTL theme song perked me up and commanded that I pay attention for another 60 minutes of soap. The Peebo vocals were OK and are kitschy fun now, especially when Norn sings them, but a little over the top at the time. I'll never forget when they dropped that opening and went to the waving silk sheet with the Jugband opening. It was hideous. I quit watching. It was like an intro for a bad porno sponsored by Macy's home department or something.

But consistently I would flee the room when that old GH theme song que’d the ambulance pulling up to the hospital. It was an instant turn off for me. The retiring opening bugged me too. It was a testament to cheese with Tony Geary kicking over the chair in the end like he’s some sort of bad ass. Sure for die hard fans, I can see why that was maybe no big deal, but for passive viewers like me it elicited huge eyerolls.

I will say that when the corporate branding dweeb decided the three shows needed a unified look that the openings for GH and OLTL improved dramatically over their immediate predecessors. As much as I may not have cared for them they were way better than openings for Y&R and other soaps. GL was OK for a while. Another World had a decent opening when it used Crystal Gale's vocals. The rest of the soap intros were like time warps to the past--in a bad way. Anyway, clearly the OLTL and GH intros were rip-offs of the AMC idea and I think the copycat approach does them a total disservice. Why not free the creative teams of each show to produce individually styled openings that showcase each shows thematic cues? Why not give them all access to orchestral arrangements capable of producing equally rich, classic instrumental pieces on par with AMC or the best shows on TV? After all, these shows air 5 times a week! That guitar theme on OLTL is so annoying and that screeching sax solo thing on GH reminds me of similar screeching sax themes from the 80s like LA Law. Even the older AMC falling pictures opening used a saxophone that today sounds dated.

It's sort of like the characters on AMC for the past couple of years. Instead of unique characterizations by a diverse cast with unique diction and articulation and look, everyone in Pine Valley looks, sounds and acts the same. They even all were the same clothes from some cheap mall store in NY. Erica is a mother whose children have children, but don't call her Grandma. She and Adam have to compete with 20 year olds for dates. Angie has even morphed into Black Annie now with the straight hair and bangs! The homogeneity of the characters is amplified by the indistinguishable intros to each show. Except for the guns, the head wounds and the occasional time warp, it’s hard to tell where one show stops and the others start. Soaps are about diversity and the creative process. ABC should give each of its soaps their own room to create an identifiably unique stamp in the Daytime lineup. I don't see Whoopi straightening out those nasty dreads and getting bangs.

I do like some of the visual cues in the GH opening-the roulette wheel behind Geary, the hospital, etc., but when did Port Charles turn into such a mega-metropolis? And what's with the creepy castle on the hill? Did those people from Passions move to Port Charles? I love the use of the actors real names--a classy touch. Better music may have won me over.

Now it’s time to re-do the OLTL intro. I just hope that when it happens, OLTL gets to strut its stuff a little so it stands out as something other than the show between the other two. It is absolutely the show on the edge of pop culture and it's opening should clearly depict that we aren't in Pine Valley anymore.

As for AMC, I feel like I've been through a war. We've been fighting for this show for years. I’m losing characters that I’ve known for 20 and 30 years. How does a soap fan put into words the connection he or she has to the characters in a show? When I’m sick at home from work, those people are always there for me! They always show up at exactly the same time to make me feel better. (Unless the weather's bad or the President needs to talk to me.) I love them and I miss them when they disappear.

Today, my beloved Brooke showed up. I doubt today's episode was outta sight exciting, but I'm ok with that. It’s a comfort that she came home for a visit. I don't need to be thrilled to the core every day. I so hope Brooke stays longer than planned, but it’s a sign things are returning to some semblance of normal. I'm still suffering from “PPT”-“Post Pratt Trauma”. I'll be having a nice day and then Shazam! I remember Brooke disappearing into the hospital elevator, the Satin Slayer, Reese kissing Zach, Zarf, Poison Pancakes, Stuart hitting the ground dead, Marian being hauled off to Oak Haven, Aidan talking to a vent, babies being held like Mufasa to a tornado ravaged sky, baby swaps, sex by candlelight, Jupiter sized Moons hovering outside Ryan’s window. I need normal on AMC for a while. The theme song and intro are the only parts of the show that haven’t been completely gutted, and I’m not ready to give them up. For now, they are sacred cows.

And you just thought I was just going to write love letters to Brooke English this week, didn’t you? One thing’s for sure, it’s not boring on AMC, OLTL and GH these days. There is a lot to discuss along with Idol and whatever else pops into your astoot minds. This is where you tell us all about it, right here. And remember, if you haven't heard last week's podcast, it's available on Itunes or the link at the bottom of last week's blog post. Funny stuff! Don't miss it!