You are officially warned, folks. Yes, we did a podcast, but no, it ain't pretty. For reasons so ass-tootly captured by our fellow bloggers last week, All My Children was dumb-as-shit last week. A Scorpion on Krystal's chest? Nurse Gayle working a bar for David and hiding some super-mysterious (duh) guest? Zach locking Kendall in the attic? Madison "Cartoon-character" North constantly twirling her Jolen-Cream-Bleach-ed mustache with threats for Jesse, Frankie, and Angie? Angie and Jesse now both breaking the law? Frankie agreeing they should keep Rancid's kidnapped baby and yelling at his mother so ruthlessly? (Pratt really don't know black folk. You don't raise your voice at your momma like that, not without a slap upside the head. At least not where I come from. And certainly not at Momma Angela.)
I must have the word "idiot" stamped on my forehead, folks. It's so weird. I don't see it when I look in the mirror, but it must be there. Certainly the execs at AMC see it.
So go ahead. Listen at your own peril. Just don't ask why we decided to open with Guiding Light and end with One Life to Live.
Feel free to rip the show - or me - a new one, here.
8/21/09 Podcast
Monday, August 24, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Dreams of Californication?
Last week on AMC, Annie asks the burning question: “Want some?” to which Scott replies, “Hell yeah!” and rips off his velcro shirt.
David and Liza share a kiss and the perfect Valtrex moment reminding us, as they say in the commercials, "it can affect both men and women, causing periodic outbreaks that may appear as painful or itchy clusters of blisters, bumps, and rashes in the genital area." Last week Adam got a prescription for Viagra. Next week Krystal’s Irritable Bowel Syndrome causes an embarrassing moment at ConFusion, but leads to the start of another cougar romance with an empathetic Petey who suffers from spontaneous bouts of greasy discharge.
Kendall’s face is plastered on the PV Bulletin Online, but nobody realizes someone else is impersonating her in jail. Meanwhile, the real Kendall hides out in a safe room furnished with cardboard boxes and Annie’s old furniture from Oak Haven dreaming of happier times and nicer sets.
Pratt continues his plan to turn the Hubbards into boring white people by making Jessie Zach’s new nanny and forcing Angie to wear Annie’s hand-me-down dresses and tresses with bangs.
Frankie learns how to use a key – with his fingers! Madison acts circles around Randi and sort of comes on to Frankie I guess because he’s really good with keys.
Randi is still a little gassy so she goes to the hospital to yell at Angie. Randi runs into Opal who reads her palm, but unfortunately Opal doesn't see acting lessons in Randi’s future. I also think Randi actually said “supposebly”.
AMC and Pratt continue to display a stunning grasp of realism as Tad and Taylor leave baby Trevor on the back porch of the church that looks just like the one Emma burned down in Puerto Rico. Fortunately, Jessie is the Chief of Police of Pratt Valley so it doesn’t matter that it’s a criminal offense. Opal, Tad, Taylor, Amanda and Jake are utterly surprised that the plan goes awry, that Child Protective Services whose job it is to provide for the health, safety and welfare of children, especially ones abandoned in burned out Puerto Rican churches, may get involved and possibly not turn the baby over to Jake and Amanda, if they can ever even actually find Trevor.
It’s been a week since TPTB announced AMC’s relocation to Los Angeles and subtle changes can already be seen taking place on screen. If you look carefully behind the outside shot of the Pratt Valley, uh Pine Valley Hospital, you can just make out the ‘HOLLYWOOD’ sign and the giant Mickey Mouse water tower. For the next few weeks, the real question isn’t “Who Killed Stuart” but who among the cast will check into the Hotel California to Live or Die in L.A.? Will Susan Lucci become a California Girl? Will Cameron Matheson attempt to find out if it really Ever Rains in Southern California? Will David Canary find All the Gold in California? OMG, will Brianne Moncrief like totally start talking like a Valley Girl? Whatever! That is OMG like, so, like, stupid, like, really, like, stupid! She totally like already talks like that!
It may be a podcastless week, but keep the blog just keeps going right here.
David and Liza share a kiss and the perfect Valtrex moment reminding us, as they say in the commercials, "it can affect both men and women, causing periodic outbreaks that may appear as painful or itchy clusters of blisters, bumps, and rashes in the genital area." Last week Adam got a prescription for Viagra. Next week Krystal’s Irritable Bowel Syndrome causes an embarrassing moment at ConFusion, but leads to the start of another cougar romance with an empathetic Petey who suffers from spontaneous bouts of greasy discharge.
Kendall’s face is plastered on the PV Bulletin Online, but nobody realizes someone else is impersonating her in jail. Meanwhile, the real Kendall hides out in a safe room furnished with cardboard boxes and Annie’s old furniture from Oak Haven dreaming of happier times and nicer sets.
Pratt continues his plan to turn the Hubbards into boring white people by making Jessie Zach’s new nanny and forcing Angie to wear Annie’s hand-me-down dresses and tresses with bangs.
Frankie learns how to use a key – with his fingers! Madison acts circles around Randi and sort of comes on to Frankie I guess because he’s really good with keys.
Randi is still a little gassy so she goes to the hospital to yell at Angie. Randi runs into Opal who reads her palm, but unfortunately Opal doesn't see acting lessons in Randi’s future. I also think Randi actually said “supposebly”.
AMC and Pratt continue to display a stunning grasp of realism as Tad and Taylor leave baby Trevor on the back porch of the church that looks just like the one Emma burned down in Puerto Rico. Fortunately, Jessie is the Chief of Police of Pratt Valley so it doesn’t matter that it’s a criminal offense. Opal, Tad, Taylor, Amanda and Jake are utterly surprised that the plan goes awry, that Child Protective Services whose job it is to provide for the health, safety and welfare of children, especially ones abandoned in burned out Puerto Rican churches, may get involved and possibly not turn the baby over to Jake and Amanda, if they can ever even actually find Trevor.
It’s been a week since TPTB announced AMC’s relocation to Los Angeles and subtle changes can already be seen taking place on screen. If you look carefully behind the outside shot of the Pratt Valley, uh Pine Valley Hospital, you can just make out the ‘HOLLYWOOD’ sign and the giant Mickey Mouse water tower. For the next few weeks, the real question isn’t “Who Killed Stuart” but who among the cast will check into the Hotel California to Live or Die in L.A.? Will Susan Lucci become a California Girl? Will Cameron Matheson attempt to find out if it really Ever Rains in Southern California? Will David Canary find All the Gold in California? OMG, will Brianne Moncrief like totally start talking like a Valley Girl? Whatever! That is OMG like, so, like, stupid, like, really, like, stupid! She totally like already talks like that!
It may be a podcastless week, but keep the blog just keeps going right here.
Monday, August 10, 2009
California, There They Go
Well, Brian Frons must be pleased with himself. When he hired Chuck Pratt as Head Writer of All My Children, he probably thought that would be the end. No more daytime! We kill All My Children with Pratt's sucktastic writing, and the others will follow. After all, AMC is the lead-in to both One Life to Live and General Hospital. But no! He didn't count on "those things you call - The Fans" being loyal. Somehow, many of us are still hanging in there - hoping - praying - that the madness will end. That our Brooke, our Dixie, will come back! That the vets will get stories worthy of their talent, that Man-Hands JaLu will take a long walk on a short pier, that Erica will grow up gracefully, and that the phrase "dead behind the eyes" will be a thing of the past! Why? Because we love our show! It's our AMC, Fronsie!
So what did Frons go ahead and do? He all but killed the thing with one stroke of his fat hand. Signed away AMC's New York studio space to OLTL, and announced the move to Ca-lih-for-ny-ay. La-La land, it is, forcing much of the cast and crew at best to quit, and at worst, to leave family and friends behind. Honestly, I would have preferred that he man-up and just cancelled the damn show. Just be done with it, dude! But no - he's chosen a long, torturous death for the show. And the vets, the staff, the cast (most of them, anyway) deserve more. Much more. EFF YOU FRONSIE! EFF YOU PRATT! I DUTCH OVEN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There. I feel better. DO your thing, people, here.
8/7/09 Podcast
So what did Frons go ahead and do? He all but killed the thing with one stroke of his fat hand. Signed away AMC's New York studio space to OLTL, and announced the move to Ca-lih-for-ny-ay. La-La land, it is, forcing much of the cast and crew at best to quit, and at worst, to leave family and friends behind. Honestly, I would have preferred that he man-up and just cancelled the damn show. Just be done with it, dude! But no - he's chosen a long, torturous death for the show. And the vets, the staff, the cast (most of them, anyway) deserve more. Much more. EFF YOU FRONSIE! EFF YOU PRATT! I DUTCH OVEN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There. I feel better. DO your thing, people, here.
8/7/09 Podcast
Monday, August 03, 2009
They Give Emmys for This, Really?
Hey, I’m a friendly guy. In fact, I’d call myself a people person. I like all kinds of people. OK, people who act illogically bother me a little, and yes I’m quick to lose patience with people who don’t have any sense of personal boundaries. I guess that explains why I was a little concerned about our AMC friends this past week.
For example, what is with the open windows and doors in Pine Valley? And why is everyone always lurking around outside their friends and neighbors homes? Logical people don’t do that, especially when the town is in the midst of a crime spree— stabbings, shootings, break-ins. Not to mention epidemic head trauma and memory loss. Crazy people walking around killing and shooting at people and immediately repressing the memory or remembering repressed memories that totally never happened anyway! People in this town are batshit crazy!! Even if I lived in English Manor, I would have bars on the windows and booby trap all the doorways.
And when I go to a friend’s house, I usually call ahead and enter politely through the front door--especially if my friend is a single woman living alone with a baby in the house or if my friend is a wealthy old goat living on an estate allegedly crawling with security and which is the subject of a sensational murder investigation. I don’t think I’d be sneaking up on or surprising anyone. What if the open window or unlocked door is booby trapped? What if I were to startle the person and they picked up the gun laying near them on the floor, or under the bed, or in the flower pot or taped on the inside of the toilet lid and took a shot at me? You know they are at least going to hit you in the head and give you a nasty bruise. Who needs that? Pick up the phone and call first. Knock on the door and wait for it to be answered. Safety first people!
Anyway, here’s a rundown of last week’s shen-ANNIE-gans on AMC:
JESSIE is working too hard. He needs to cut NATALIA some slack and let her help. He can’t handle the PV crime spree alone.
Emotions are running high in the Hubbard clan. FRANKIE howled and flashed his big white wolf teeth over how shitty his luck has become. RANDI’s nostrils quivered after she lost the baby.
RYAN gritted and hissed and clenched his butt cheeks because he really didn’t want anybody to talk to EMMA. (I really wish somebody would pop RYAN’S thong when he goes on a rant.)
AMANDA is a beautiful idiot, and her plan is doomed before it gets underway. She is sneaking in Taylor’s window every 5 minutes, sleeping on the couch. I sort of understand where she’s coming from. There are at least 20 less people sleeping at TAYLOR’S house than the MARTIN house. But can't she just use the front door, knock before entering and call ahead?
TREVOR is already an addict—passed out on the couch with approximately 10 empty Enfamil bottles surrounding him.
KENDALL aka Alicia Minshew has a baby bulge. Manhands JALU just has a bulge.
KENDALL’s future is unclear after a repressed memory comes back to her and causes her to think she murdered the town’s beloved doofus.
ALERT: In case you missed it on SoapNet, the commercials for FlirtyGirlFit.com are sleazy and hot. Holy crap!
ERICA holds her own with everyone – DA "DUH" WILLIE, ADAM, LIZA, JACK, KENDALL, and proves why she’s the glue that binds the show together. But Granny don’t need to be bustin’ on RYAN’s nut no how.
INSANNIE rocks the jailhouse in her hot Pocahontas outfit. She may have worn it all week, but it was so much hotter than KENDALL’S tube top parade and JALU’s death wardrobe.
ZACH continued to not bathe and growl at everyone about KENDALL’S innocence while sporting that classic “buttcut” hairdo with a greasy part down the middle.
TAD and TAYLOR share some light, sweet, funny scenes that don’t involve sperm, head injuries, murder, guns, tunnels, or AIDUMB.
AIDUMB said some stuff I didn’t understand again. Something like: “Yaw wecum fo dah alibuy. Annie an aye aw fineeto.”
OPAL returned in a hilarious getup that looks expensive even though she’s allegedly destitute. She should have received a nice lump sum from her insurance company after the mansion burned. Can’t she buy her own condo and get a man?
ADAM made a rhyme: “Am I not clear? Get her out of here.” and followed quickly with something like “Erica Erica Erica Kane, Erica Kane”.
MARISSA confided to KWAK that she is dreaming of a threeway with JR and BEAKER.
THIS WEEK ON AMC:
It’s a very special week when STACEY LONDON and CLINTON KELLY show up from TLC’s What Not to Wear to makeover the entire town!! Watch them throw out KENDALL’S tube top collection while CARMINDY slathers her in Mederma scar fading cream. See JALU wince as they trash her collection of black dresses and undergarments for a colorful new wardrobe and underwear that doesn’t fall around her ankles! Marvel as they put TAD in the 360° mirror and show him how to accentuate the positives while slenderizing that buddha-belly. But the shit really hits the fan when ANGIE battles NICK’s efforts to tame the Weave and she takes offense to STACEY and CLINTON for trashing all the sweater vests she lovingly knit for JESSIE.
Let’s hear what you have to say about it all—right here.
For example, what is with the open windows and doors in Pine Valley? And why is everyone always lurking around outside their friends and neighbors homes? Logical people don’t do that, especially when the town is in the midst of a crime spree— stabbings, shootings, break-ins. Not to mention epidemic head trauma and memory loss. Crazy people walking around killing and shooting at people and immediately repressing the memory or remembering repressed memories that totally never happened anyway! People in this town are batshit crazy!! Even if I lived in English Manor, I would have bars on the windows and booby trap all the doorways.
And when I go to a friend’s house, I usually call ahead and enter politely through the front door--especially if my friend is a single woman living alone with a baby in the house or if my friend is a wealthy old goat living on an estate allegedly crawling with security and which is the subject of a sensational murder investigation. I don’t think I’d be sneaking up on or surprising anyone. What if the open window or unlocked door is booby trapped? What if I were to startle the person and they picked up the gun laying near them on the floor, or under the bed, or in the flower pot or taped on the inside of the toilet lid and took a shot at me? You know they are at least going to hit you in the head and give you a nasty bruise. Who needs that? Pick up the phone and call first. Knock on the door and wait for it to be answered. Safety first people!
Anyway, here’s a rundown of last week’s shen-ANNIE-gans on AMC:
JESSIE is working too hard. He needs to cut NATALIA some slack and let her help. He can’t handle the PV crime spree alone.
Emotions are running high in the Hubbard clan. FRANKIE howled and flashed his big white wolf teeth over how shitty his luck has become. RANDI’s nostrils quivered after she lost the baby.
RYAN gritted and hissed and clenched his butt cheeks because he really didn’t want anybody to talk to EMMA. (I really wish somebody would pop RYAN’S thong when he goes on a rant.)
AMANDA is a beautiful idiot, and her plan is doomed before it gets underway. She is sneaking in Taylor’s window every 5 minutes, sleeping on the couch. I sort of understand where she’s coming from. There are at least 20 less people sleeping at TAYLOR’S house than the MARTIN house. But can't she just use the front door, knock before entering and call ahead?
TREVOR is already an addict—passed out on the couch with approximately 10 empty Enfamil bottles surrounding him.
KENDALL aka Alicia Minshew has a baby bulge. Manhands JALU just has a bulge.
KENDALL’s future is unclear after a repressed memory comes back to her and causes her to think she murdered the town’s beloved doofus.
ALERT: In case you missed it on SoapNet, the commercials for FlirtyGirlFit.com are sleazy and hot. Holy crap!
ERICA holds her own with everyone – DA "DUH" WILLIE, ADAM, LIZA, JACK, KENDALL, and proves why she’s the glue that binds the show together. But Granny don’t need to be bustin’ on RYAN’s nut no how.
INSANNIE rocks the jailhouse in her hot Pocahontas outfit. She may have worn it all week, but it was so much hotter than KENDALL’S tube top parade and JALU’s death wardrobe.
ZACH continued to not bathe and growl at everyone about KENDALL’S innocence while sporting that classic “buttcut” hairdo with a greasy part down the middle.
TAD and TAYLOR share some light, sweet, funny scenes that don’t involve sperm, head injuries, murder, guns, tunnels, or AIDUMB.
AIDUMB said some stuff I didn’t understand again. Something like: “Yaw wecum fo dah alibuy. Annie an aye aw fineeto.”
OPAL returned in a hilarious getup that looks expensive even though she’s allegedly destitute. She should have received a nice lump sum from her insurance company after the mansion burned. Can’t she buy her own condo and get a man?
ADAM made a rhyme: “Am I not clear? Get her out of here.” and followed quickly with something like “Erica Erica Erica Kane, Erica Kane”.
MARISSA confided to KWAK that she is dreaming of a threeway with JR and BEAKER.
THIS WEEK ON AMC:
It’s a very special week when STACEY LONDON and CLINTON KELLY show up from TLC’s What Not to Wear to makeover the entire town!! Watch them throw out KENDALL’S tube top collection while CARMINDY slathers her in Mederma scar fading cream. See JALU wince as they trash her collection of black dresses and undergarments for a colorful new wardrobe and underwear that doesn’t fall around her ankles! Marvel as they put TAD in the 360° mirror and show him how to accentuate the positives while slenderizing that buddha-belly. But the shit really hits the fan when ANGIE battles NICK’s efforts to tame the Weave and she takes offense to STACEY and CLINTON for trashing all the sweater vests she lovingly knit for JESSIE.
Let’s hear what you have to say about it all—right here.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Something is Really "Rancid" in Pine Valley
- Randi is constipated? Has a really bad headache? Has to really, really go the bathroom? Oh, right! She is having abdominal pain and may be having a miscarriage.
- Adam does a little safety dance because InsAnnie is giving him regular doses of her hey-nanny-nanny.
- Emma gets the Gitmo treatment.
- The Ghost of Stuart Past visits Kendall (and you know it's him because he is too simple to have ever learned how to completely tuck his collar into his sweaters).
- We still don't care about this dumbass murder mystery, but we do like Madison's hat.
We're back! A shorter 'cast than we usually do, but a cast nonetheless. We had fun, in between babies crying. (God, it's hard to record a silly show when your newborns are crying.) We missed you all, we hope you like it, and we hope to be back again soon. In the meantime, take a listen and feel free to interject with your ass-toot observations on anything and everything your pretty little hearts desire here.
Monday, July 20, 2009
We Watched Even Though We Didn't Have To
Jordan hated last week's eppys of All My Children. I, however.... Maybe it's sleep deprivation, or the fact that breast-feeding twins keeps me parked in front of the television for pretty much the entire day until Carlos comes home, but I found some entertainment in last weeks' episodes. That Spinelli guy asking that blonde chick to marry him after having sex with her for the first, mind-blowing time -- adorable! Oh, wait a minute... that's not AMC, is it? (Sigh.)
Okay, so I liked: anything A-Mam-da and Jake, Beaker and eBabe, InsAnnie in that bikini, Madison's hat (the Performer of the Week IMHO), and very little Aidumb. I hated: anything Erica and Ryass and Randi, and the continued decimation of Jesse Hubbard's character.
Notes to y'all: anyone notice Marissa's long neck? I like the actress and the character, people, but fair is fair. She looks like one of those women that puts rings around their necks to make them longer, and when they take them off their necks are crazy long! I was also tickled by Man-Hands JaLu (about the only thing about this character that I enjoy). Take a closer look, folks -JaLu got them man-hands! Makes me really miss our classy Mini-Hands Julia!
My biggest gripe? When Joonyer pulled out Adam's wedding albums, and listed Adam's brides to InsAnnie. Am I wrong, or wasn't Adam married to Brooke? Of course, TIIC wouldn't mention our beloved Brooke. Friggin' a-holes.
Jordan and I will try to do a quck 'cast for next week. Jesse and Estela are keeping me very busy. (I have finally figured out how to use the john with one babe in arms. I'm working on two.) I am also trying to Twitter here and there (PVPodcast is my screen-name, yo'!), and Facebook once in a while, but I won't be back to full speed for a little while, so please be patient with me. In the meantime, a HUGE shout-out to Shadow for his ass-toot and hilarious posts, and to Jordan and all-a-y'all for keeping our little community rockin'. Keep on keepin' on here.
Okay, so I liked: anything A-Mam-da and Jake, Beaker and eBabe, InsAnnie in that bikini, Madison's hat (the Performer of the Week IMHO), and very little Aidumb. I hated: anything Erica and Ryass and Randi, and the continued decimation of Jesse Hubbard's character.
Notes to y'all: anyone notice Marissa's long neck? I like the actress and the character, people, but fair is fair. She looks like one of those women that puts rings around their necks to make them longer, and when they take them off their necks are crazy long! I was also tickled by Man-Hands JaLu (about the only thing about this character that I enjoy). Take a closer look, folks -JaLu got them man-hands! Makes me really miss our classy Mini-Hands Julia!
My biggest gripe? When Joonyer pulled out Adam's wedding albums, and listed Adam's brides to InsAnnie. Am I wrong, or wasn't Adam married to Brooke? Of course, TIIC wouldn't mention our beloved Brooke. Friggin' a-holes.
Jordan and I will try to do a quck 'cast for next week. Jesse and Estela are keeping me very busy. (I have finally figured out how to use the john with one babe in arms. I'm working on two.) I am also trying to Twitter here and there (PVPodcast is my screen-name, yo'!), and Facebook once in a while, but I won't be back to full speed for a little while, so please be patient with me. In the meantime, a HUGE shout-out to Shadow for his ass-toot and hilarious posts, and to Jordan and all-a-y'all for keeping our little community rockin'. Keep on keepin' on here.
Monday, July 13, 2009
There Goes the Neighborhood...
Hello everyone! Glad to be back home after a wonderful beach vacation. I’m still tying to catch up on all the episodes I missed, but thanks to your ass-toot commentary here on the blog I’m not totally clueless about all the shen-Annie-gans that have been going on in Pine Valley while I was soaking up the sun. I still have two weeks of old episodes to wade through. From what I have seen so far, I would borrow a phrase from Ashley and request "less shit, more shinola please" from TPTB. Remember when Pine Valley was a nice place to live? It's been a long time since people could just lounge around privately in their living rooms without getting killed, have a private conversation anywhere, or enjoy an afternoon drink at a trendy bar without getting shanked in the bathroom. One minute you're swilling a Cosmo and the next you're bleeding out your ass. And wherever you go, something or someone could strike you in the head at any moment! Crazy people are everywhere! With guns and ammo! The town is riddled with pimps and ho's. And *do not* have sex with people in Pine Valley! Seriously, you may think you're privately shagging one person, but soon the whole town will be pregnant, everyone's on Montel taking paternity tests, and you find out somebody else made a videotape of the act! And don't even try walking around naked in your own Pine Valley home because the entire town may be peeping in your windows or walk in unannounced at any moment! That is sooooo embarrassing! Enid and Phoebe would be horrified at what our little community has become!
Ok, I know you were all hoping to find a new podcast with Ashley and Jordan, but instead you got a blog post from me—sort of like finding a nice little half shell on the beach instead of the massively beautiful conch shell you hoped to discover instead. (I really did have a great time at the beach!). Honestly, JordAsh planned to do a podcast this week, but just couldn’t quite make it come together in time. I’ve got my fingers crossed that next week they will return from hiatus. I’d type more, but it’s hard to do with my fingers crossed. Let’s hear what you have to say, right here.
Ok, I know you were all hoping to find a new podcast with Ashley and Jordan, but instead you got a blog post from me—sort of like finding a nice little half shell on the beach instead of the massively beautiful conch shell you hoped to discover instead. (I really did have a great time at the beach!). Honestly, JordAsh planned to do a podcast this week, but just couldn’t quite make it come together in time. I’ve got my fingers crossed that next week they will return from hiatus. I’d type more, but it’s hard to do with my fingers crossed. Let’s hear what you have to say, right here.
Sunday, July 05, 2009
A Podcast-less Post for a 'Ho-Hum Week
(Get it? " 'Ho Hum"?)
From what I can recall from my sleep-deprived, new mommy brain, the following events occured sometime in the past week on All My Children:
(BTW - Jordan and I have missed talking to y'all so very much. We hope to have a new podcast up in the next week or two. In the meantime, thanks again to everyone - especially our amazing Shadow - for keeping the PVP community not only alive, but kicking!)
From what I can recall from my sleep-deprived, new mommy brain, the following events occured sometime in the past week on All My Children:
- Randi "frets" and "worries" about her past with North, and the Hooker With The Eyes of Stone succumbs to North's invitation. Hold on to your seats, viewers! What will Randi do next?!?
- Adam has hired a "security team."
- Annie tries to strangle Erica (who even makes being choked look glam).
- Ry-ass and Tad the Murderer make a plea to hot-shot District Attorney North. (Something like, "Trust me. Annie is the murderer." Wow. That Pratt writes dialogue like nobody's business.)
- Annie's Bangs win Standout Performer of the Week.
- Oh yeah - JaLu bears her baby via basement window. (Wait a minute - was that last week? It's all one ri-dick-a-lous blur.)
Hellooooo viewers! I'm giving the incredibly talented Shadow a much needed break (and taking one of my own). Shadow's enjoying Hilton Head with his family, and I'm enjoying... family! A new thing for me and Carlos! The twins (Jesse and Estela) are here, and I'm thrilled. (It does make watching the Amanda/JaLu birth scenes a little hard to stomach. But I was happy to eat my words - I've always loved Chrishelle Stause as Amanda, but I've been tough on her performances at times. Well, our girl proved me wrong - she was one of the few highlights for me over the past 4 weeks of the hot mess that is AMC.)
Anyway! So much else to discuss, as Shadow noted! Anything goes - Wheel of Fortune, Summer TV hits-and-misses, Jacko farewells, and - oh yeah - All My Children. Discuss, beautiful people, discuss!(BTW - Jordan and I have missed talking to y'all so very much. We hope to have a new podcast up in the next week or two. In the meantime, thanks again to everyone - especially our amazing Shadow - for keeping the PVP community not only alive, but kicking!)
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Life's A Beach...
What a crazy week! OLTL’s Carlotta is recast and sparks a debate over the burgeoning Fish storyline with our own Jordan and DiscoDan weighing in on the issues. The entertainment world takes a big hit with the losses of Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson and pitchman Billy Mays, and we, like the rest of the world, paused for a moment to share some reflections on how our lives were touched by them all. Beth Ehlers sounds off about her sucktastic experience on the Chuck Pratt penned AMC. Our friend Norn (n69) goes inside ABC studios and gets a first hand look behind the scenes at ABC Daytime! And our sweet Mel Got Served takes a shot at an audition for “Wheel of Fortune”. Oh yeah, and from what I’ve read here on the blog, a bunch of stuff happened on or about AMC.
Sorry guys, I didn’t watch much of AMC last week because I was too busy getting ready for our beach vacation this week. That means I won’t be watching much this week either. Kids rule and they want to snorkel, swim, fish, build drippy castles and play putt-putt golf all day. (I have to say, that’s all pretty fun stuff too!) If you wouldn’t mind watching so I don’t have to, I sure would appreciate it. I’ll reset the blog so it doesn’t get too huge, and you post your ass-toot comments right here.
Sorry guys, I didn’t watch much of AMC last week because I was too busy getting ready for our beach vacation this week. That means I won’t be watching much this week either. Kids rule and they want to snorkel, swim, fish, build drippy castles and play putt-putt golf all day. (I have to say, that’s all pretty fun stuff too!) If you wouldn’t mind watching so I don’t have to, I sure would appreciate it. I’ll reset the blog so it doesn’t get too huge, and you post your ass-toot comments right here.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Keep It Simple
- Emma faked a tummy ache knowing Ryan would immediately rush her to the hospital where she could sneak away to visit Annie. Is Emma the new Crazy Kathy? Like Mother, Like Daughter I hope.
- Aside from the complete implausibility of the plot, Chrishell Stause delivered an emotional and moving performance as Amanda delivered a perfect baby boy and told the world he died. David continued to defy the limits of time, logic and probability by being everywhere, all the time, at just the right time. Fortunately for David, flights leave Pine Valley every 30 minutes for Barbados. After finding out Jake and Amanda were there, he immediately hopped a flight and arrived minutes after the birth. The entire hospital staff was primed and ready for him and swore the baby died. Will David just accept the baby’s death or will he keep harassing Amanda until she cracks? Where is Janet From Another Planet in Amanda’s hour of need? David is no match for Grandma JFAP.
- Speaking of David, he proved his love for Krystal by driving drunk and wrecking into a guardrail. Krystal suffered her 80th head injury this year and was hospitalized just after she did a Penelope Pittstop in Tad’s arms. David also mocked Marissa for trying to be the daughter he never had, but JR made her feel better by explaining how she reminded him of cherry coke swilling, guacamole eating Saint Babe of Pine Valley.
- Tad mixed with the ladies and showed chemistry with JaLu, KWAK and Taylor. After reminiscing about old times with JaLu and realizing that Krystal’s heart is still with her head bashing husband, he pondered if Tad the Cad was dead. Then he sipped wine and popped a woody with Taylor at the ConFusion bar. Taylor and Brot’s relationship hit the skids.
- Angie’s Mood Weave turned limp and lifeless as Angie fretted over Frankie’s future. Frankie continued his downward spiral unable to turn the pages of his favorite magazine, sip from a wine goblet, or eat macaroni and cheese with a fork. The whole family staged an intervention and reminded him that he’s married to a really hot hooker.
- JaLu took on Annie’s case, while Adam accepted Annie into his home and kicked JR and Lil’ A out on their Lil’ Asses.
- Adam and the DA continue working to make the case against Kendall, who responded by sleeping late, watching TV, playing with her kids and parading about in low-cut blouses revealing her glistening 10” scar. Adam & Co. may be out to get her, but she’s too busy rubbing Mederma scar fading cream all over her chest and fantasizing about a ménage a trios’ with Ryan and Zach to care.
- Ryan kissed Erica in a weird, unnecessary scene. Annie kissed Adam and I felt a little bile rise up in the back of my throat, although I wonder who is playing who. Adam and Annie are gross, but sort of interesting. Ryan and Erica are just gross. Pratt says the audience wants it to happen though. The lesson here is: keep it simple enough for Pratt to understand or he will misinterpret what we say. Here’s how you do it:
F-I-R-E C-H-U-C-K P-R-A-T-T !
Now it’s your turn, right here.
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Angie Great. Brot good. Randi bad. GhostBabe worse. Pratt worst.
- As if killing Stuart wasn’t bad enough, Pratt makes us relive it over and over as he drags the “Who Shot Stuart” murder mystery out all summer long. Of course the real mystery is “WTF is with Tad?”.
- Jessie is still acting like a Private Dick. Erica is the worst Private Dick ever, and Petey ruins the most significant piece of evidence discovered so far.
- What does Emma know about Stuart's death? She has a thing for guns. Not long ago she found a gun under the bed, and while most girls draw bunnies, flowers and butterflies, Emma draws an Astra, 357 Magnum, 3 " barrel, Armaloy satin finish, Lee Reloading dye, handgun.
- Pratt shoots another blank with an old storyline involving the sperm switch fiasco of Colby’s conception.
- Colby tries to read. Annie gets shanked for reading. Ryan tries basic math. Bless his heart.
- It’s Smackdown at Wildwind as KWAK and David go mano y mano over the end of their loving union!
- Kendall is torn between two lovers, and feelin’ like a fool, because lovin’ both of them is breakin’ all the rules…
GOOD NEWS! Chrishell Stause aka Amamda Dillon mercifully extends her contract through the end of the year!
NEXT WEEK ON All My Children: One character’s sperm ends up in a place it doesn’t belong! Another beloved character suffers a blunt force trauma to the head! (Ok, I totally made that up, but the odds are in my favor.)
Well folks, there may not be a new podcast this week, but there’s plenty to dish about. Let’s keep the blog going while Ashley takes a break to start the adventure of her life with Carlos and The Twins. Be on the lookout for Jordan’s posts. No doubt he’ll have plenty of ass-toot commentary about AMC and the whole summer TV season! Post your thoughts and send Ashley happy thoughts right here.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
A Boring Whodunit, and a Surprise (from Us!)
- Stuart gets killed, as Chuck Pratt commits another desperate act for the sake of ratings.
- Jesse acts like a real Private Dick.
- Jennifer Bassey's Marian makes us cheer, while J.Lu makes us wanna hurl.
- The whole murder mystery has us rolling our eyes.
- The Young and the Restless anyone? Anyone?
5/29/09 Podcast
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Murder, Mystery, and Misogyny
(Not to mention crazy Emmy nominations!)
- Adam (?) gets killed, and Ian lives to see another day.
- Unfortunately, Aidumb lives to see another day, too.
- Emma and Lil' A continue to be ignored.
- eBabe rocks the screen.
Thanks for your patience, folks. We're so glad to be back! Lots to talk about, so do your thang like you always do here.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I'm Pooped
(Not literally, people, but figuratively speaking. To clarify, I feel as tired as Denise Vasi's acting.)
Like Jordan mentioned, I needed a break this week. But we'll both be back in time next week to cover the riveting and shocking developments in Pine Valley! (Uh, the developments aren't really that riveting, but they are shocking - in a not-so-good way - but we'll talk more about that next week.)
For now, perhaps you'll enjoy this oldie-but-goodie: our ass-toot observations on Alex Cambias, Sr.'s first time around Pine Valley, when our little Alicia Minshew had to spend a week as Kendall wkith a hypodermic needle poised to pierce her delicate little neck. (This PVP eppy originally aired on March 9th, 2007.)
And, as always, feel free to share your own ass-toot observations on everything from Nurse Gayle's oversized "Chucky" head to eBabe's (love that Katya!) extremely short pants to JaLu's mercifully brief but overinflated appearances on our little show, here.
3/09/07 Podcast
Like Jordan mentioned, I needed a break this week. But we'll both be back in time next week to cover the riveting and shocking developments in Pine Valley! (Uh, the developments aren't really that riveting, but they are shocking - in a not-so-good way - but we'll talk more about that next week.)
For now, perhaps you'll enjoy this oldie-but-goodie: our ass-toot observations on Alex Cambias, Sr.'s first time around Pine Valley, when our little Alicia Minshew had to spend a week as Kendall wkith a hypodermic needle poised to pierce her delicate little neck. (This PVP eppy originally aired on March 9th, 2007.)
And, as always, feel free to share your own ass-toot observations on everything from Nurse Gayle's oversized "Chucky" head to eBabe's (love that Katya!) extremely short pants to JaLu's mercifully brief but overinflated appearances on our little show, here.
3/09/07 Podcast
Monday, May 04, 2009
Super Genius
Chuck Pratt's genius inspires amazing stories this month, like
You've done it - you've truly inspired us. Between Shadow's now mandatory signoff ("Fire Chuck Pratt!") to Ms. Casey Shameless' (et al!) purposeful use of the "Fire Pratt!" photo to Susan and Elyse's tireless "Fire Charles Pratt!" efforts, we're hoping to inspire a movement. With the help of our uber-talented Louie2K, we'll be promoting FirePratt.com, and we hope you'll spread the word. More on this to come, but for now, we'll take whatever else you've got to say (you know we want to hear it), here.
5/1/09 Podcast
- The Satin Slayer returns to shock Pine Valley with his terrifying ramblings!
- Liza returns - and she's got a shockingly hot vagina!
- Brot and Taylor sizzle as Brot travels the country making speeches!
- Krystal has a shocking secret - and a surprisingly large PayPal balance!
You've done it - you've truly inspired us. Between Shadow's now mandatory signoff ("Fire Chuck Pratt!") to Ms. Casey Shameless' (et al!) purposeful use of the "Fire Pratt!" photo to Susan and Elyse's tireless "Fire Charles Pratt!" efforts, we're hoping to inspire a movement. With the help of our uber-talented Louie2K, we'll be promoting FirePratt.com, and we hope you'll spread the word. More on this to come, but for now, we'll take whatever else you've got to say (you know we want to hear it), here.
5/1/09 Podcast
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
AAARRGGH!!!!
WARNING: THIS PODCAST CONTAINS SCREAMING. PLEASE - DO NOT LISTEN WITHOUT EASY ACCESS TO THE VOLUME CONTROLS ON YOUR AUDIO DEVICES. HEARING LOSS MAY RESULT.
4/24/09 Podcast
- "Liza" is back, and she's unrecognizable in every way.
- Zach and Kendall are a hot mess.
- Ryass continues to be Ry-assy, while Ins-Annie gets Ins-Annier, and Aidumb gets Aidumber.
- Erica continues to stun us with her fabulousness.
- Brot and Taylor who?
4/24/09 Podcast
Monday, April 20, 2009
Sex & Tornadoes
- Liza, er, we mean, Jamie Luner, effs her way back into Pine Valley (and it's with Zach, no less).
- Krystal seems back to her old self as she betrays David on the stand.
- Jake's rescue-complex kicks in (or maybe it's just guilt?).
- Jesse and Angie make love. (Ahh... Now that's good soap!)
The folks at All My Children have done it again. They've introduced (or reintroduced) a female character by having her boff her way onto the screen. Is that all Chuck Pratt knows? Sex and tornadoes? A thousand Romans can't be wrong! We're all saying the same thing, people! Is this man just too dazzled by his own "brilliance" that he thinks that his pen shits roses? And somehow, he's gotten the top brass at ABC to believe that. Oy.
If you haven't already, you must check out the Pratt Falls series on YouTube. These brilliant gals are saying it all, and much more brilliantly than we ever could. What do you think? We want more, more, MORE of your thoughts here!4/17/09 Podcast
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
He's Baa-aack!
After a 6-month break from All My Children, Taylor Crawford, the co-founder of The Pine Valley Podcast is our guest host this week. (And he's none too excited about the "changes" he's seen.) Among the gems:
- Annie isn't really crazy - it's all her brother's fault that she killed and killed again and again.
- Zach and Kendall are clearly on the outs. (So much so that they kiss this week.)
- David Hayward obsesses over his genetic material, whilst Krystal remains "missing."
- Erica Kane has been to paradise, but she's never been to me.
We didn't discuss on the podcast, but our Chuck Pratthole has been all the buzz on DaytimeConfidential.com. The di&#wad sucked it again: first, he sets up Jamie "No A$$ Kisser" Luner for a huge fall with his stoopit comments, then blames the hot mess of a lesbian wedding storyline on Eden Riegel! What a di&#! What do you think? Let us know, here.
(Huge thanks again to Taylor Crawford for his fun appearance this week. Jordan "Toodles" Hudson will be back next week - it wouldn't be the PVP without him!)
Monday, April 06, 2009
72 Seasons of Love
- No, we're not talking about All My Children, but it's relevant: Guiding Light was cancelled this week, and soaps fans everywhere are mourning.
What more is there to say? Guiding Light did everything right as far as we can tell, and the ax still fell. What does this mean for our little show, which doesn't feel very right lately? For more on this and other crazy-ass soap news (Kathy Brier getting fired from OLTL? Alexander Cambias, Sr. coming back to AMC?), go to DaytimeConfidential.com for their amazing daytime coverage, and to AMC Superposter for his amazing AMC spoilers. After you're done reading, don't forget to leave your comments with us. We're not the only ones with ass-toot observations!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Did We Miss Something?
- Kendall and Ryan are in love again (in less than a few weeks after Greenlee's death).
- Adam is sick and missing.
- Jesse and Angie are foster parents.
- Frankie and Rancid miss their flight to Hawaii.
- InsAnnie and Aidumb are MIA. (I'm not so bummed about this one, actually.)
Thanks once again to Louie2K for his amazing opening themes, to DaytimeConfidential.com for their amazing daytime coverage, and to AMC Superposter for his amazing AMC spoilers. And don't forget: send your questions to us at pvp@pinevalleypodcast.com. We love hearing from you!
3/27/09 Podcast
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