May Tomorrow Be a Perfect Day...

Okay people - some days it's freakin' GREAT, and others? Not so much for me. But All My Children, as Jordan says, is by far a much better show than it has been in YEARS. So, yes - AMC *sucked* for me this week, but there are moments, folks, moments of incredible greatness and hotness. This AMC is still must-see for me, and I couldn't say that for a very, very long time.

I got a new microphone. The Yeti. (Jordan calls him Diego.) Still figuring it out, so we're not there yet. But we're sounding better. We think. Hope you like it.

And do your thing, as you always do, here.

8/27/10 Podcast

The Kids Are All Right

I think most of our dear bloggers/listeners are feelin' All My Children, but some just aren't there yet. (Don't count me in on that pool, baby - I'm a lovin' my AMC!)

Our friends over at WeLoveSoaps.net present a measured argument for both schools of thought - take a gander at their thoughtful analysis. Then take a listen to Jordan and I for some more thoughtful (and some not-so-thoughtful) thoughts. We love sharing them.

And, of course, even if you don't end up loving AMC, we still love you and thank you for hanging out with us. And when you're done, we hope you'll tell us what you think here.

7/29/10 Podcast

Daytime Emmy Mania!

Okay, so maybe it wasn't mania. Okay, fine - the 37th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards (as hosted by the been-there-done-that Regis Philbin) barely made a ripple on the entertainment scene. Me, I caught the last 20 minutes and got my Twitter on, so I was, uh, content. (Susan Lucci's black dress alone made me happy.)

This week, we'll talk the Emmy's that weren't, the All My Children that was, and the other daytime (and nightime) shows interesting enough to merit the title of "drama." (And please pardon the crappy sound. I still haven't taken Ms. Pat's advice and purchased a new mic for my new Mac, and we actually used my iPhone headset to record. Seriously.)

In the meantime, do your thing, dear viewers and listeners, here.

6/28/10 Podcast

Some Spicy Sh&t is Happening!

Besides Jordan's adventures with sexy lesbians, All My Children is showing some heat! Between J.R./Annie/Scott (and eBabe?) and Liza/Tad/Damon (and Colby?), and maybe, just maybe, even Greenlee and Ryan (but definitely not David!), we're loving our love in the afternoon. A tad more sex, please, and we'll be very happy lil' soapers!

We must admit, though, that this podcast was a bit hacked together. Another PC mishap, and I'm now permanently divorced from that nasty platform. I'm still learning how to Mac, so the sound quality is, uh, off, but hope you enjoy what we were able to piece together.

What are your thoughts, dear viewers? We know you'll chime in (and we hope you do!) here.

6/11/10 Podcast

Love in the Afternoon?

We're not getting much love in the afternoon, but we're getting some good drama, people! ABC is delivering the daytime goods, and we hope you're enjoying it as much as we are.

This month's (!) podcast is extra long, since we've made you wait an extra-long time for it. The twin's first birthday is coming up on June 4th (!!), and I've made it my personal goal to devote more time to the 'cast and our awesome lil' community. Wish me luck!

Hope you enjoy, and, as always, please, please, please (!!!) join in on the conversation here.

5/21/10 Podcast

To Sirs, With Love

We love you, James Mitchell, and we adore you, David Canary.

This show is for both of you, with all our love.

(And, of course, to our amazing listeners and viewers, feel free to chime in here.)

4/23/10 Podcast

Screaming Through the Rooftops

It's been a while, and we're hopped up! (You may want to keep your hand on the volume controls for this podcast.) We're so happy to be back, and even happier to be looking forward to watching All My Children every day.

It's good, people. Really good. Not sure what to expect when our beloved LoBro leaves, but we'll take what we can get for now.

One Life to Live? That's another story - literally. (But General Hospital gets a special mention. They're doing some brilliant work over there, folks. Might be next on my DVR list if OLTL goes down the toilet.)

Thanks for sticking around and sticking with us. As always, leave your ass-toot thoughts and commentary here, and we'll be right there with you.

Oh happy day!

4/9/10 Podcast

We Love It!

Okay, so we may not be shouting it through the rooftops (and that's only because my babies were sleeping), but - and I'm almost afraid to write this - we love All My Children right now! From Tad acting his age to Brooke and Annie going head to head, to a trip down memory lane with our beloved Dixie, to the return of the REAL Greenlee (and we're not talking about the actress!), the residents of our beloved Pine Valley are feeling like their old selves again. And we here at the PVP are grateful.

This is the show we grew up with, folks - the quiet moments that our co-host Shadow talks about, the relationships, the warts-and-all characters that we love no matter their foibles. (Well, maybe there are a few we could do without.) Thank you, Lorraine. Thank you. You're one of the greats.

So for the few of you who didn't always appreciate our frank commentary on the sad state of affairs (IOHO) at AMC, tune into this 'cast. We even complained about One Life to Live! (We'd like to think we're nothing if not fair.)

So turn on and tune in, viewers. And please, please, please let us know what you think here.

3/12/10 Podcast

Allow Me To Introduce Myself...

I have been bantering back and forth today on Twitter about the new General Hospital opening. Apparently, people are really happy with it. I'm a little more reserved about it, but most of you know I don't have a particular sentimental spot for GH. As I'm sure you all realize, I like the introduction to AMC better, but really that's irrelevant to my point.

Here's the deal. I want the entire ABC soap block to thrive so I'm thrilled to see ABC trying to win the easy points. That old GH opening was ridiculous. Although the new intro is certainly much nicer and much more contemporary, it's still a little derivative of the AMC intro, and I think that sells GH a little short. I feel the same way about the OLTL intro. Why does everything on ABC daytime have to look the same? That's not a rule in Primetime and, to be honest, I don't want to watch 3 hours of lookalike programming. I think each show should have its own identities beginning with their opening and closing sequences. ABC can brand the time period with the similar visual cues on the bumpers between the shows.

Back when ABC Daytime stamped AMC, GH and OLTL with similar opening looks, I'm sure it sounded like a good idea to some corporate marketing dingleberry, but as a fan I want creativity—something that hooks me when the show starts. I love that AMC theme song. When I hear that guitar strum I go all Dick Van Dyke jumping ottomans to get to the TV. I like how AMC kept the falling pictures motif, how the photos blast across the screen in synch with the music, and the vintage pictures of Pheobe. It gets me stirred up emotionally every single time. It's not as sentimental to me as the 1990 version where the lamp turns on and camera pans across senior cast members Phoebe, Langley, Brooke and Adam, but it's better than most of what's on TV day or night. Think about the pitiful one to five note chimes for Lost, Heroes or Desperate Housewives. The opening sequence and theme song has become a lost art.

The AMC theme song has layers. It starts with a catchy little strum, then a startling guitar strum grabs your attention and the song swells into a rich pallet of piano, winds and strings before gently fading away with a misty eyed Bianca blowing away in the wind and Erica taking her place back in the AMC family album. (So far, I don’t like anyone in the fly away other than Bianca. It definitely shouldn’t be a dude in the flyaway.) The original AMC opening and theme was quite appropriate in its day, but even at the age of 5 I remember thinking, "They really need to perk this up". The "white pearls" opening sucked if you ask me. Bringing back the falling pictures in the mid-90s was brilliance.

Oops, I've digressed. Yes, I'm biased. AMC is my sentimental fave on all counts, but I have a lot of heartfelt sentiment for OLTL too, especially the Cord, Tina, Max, Gabrielle years when I watched it without fail. When OLTL came out with that Peebo Bryson theme song for OLTL it was a BIG deal. Honestly, my favorite was the instrumental version with the pictures of the town and the collage of faces at the end. It told a story. It always made me feel like I'd left Pine Valley and taken a quick drive to a nice town not far away where Wanda Woleck sold pie and people traveled back in time and to underground cities. The main thing was that after an hour of AMC, the OLTL theme song perked me up and commanded that I pay attention for another 60 minutes of soap. The Peebo vocals were OK and are kitschy fun now, especially when Norn sings them, but a little over the top at the time. I'll never forget when they dropped that opening and went to the waving silk sheet with the Jugband opening. It was hideous. I quit watching. It was like an intro for a bad porno sponsored by Macy's home department or something.

But consistently I would flee the room when that old GH theme song que’d the ambulance pulling up to the hospital. It was an instant turn off for me. The retiring opening bugged me too. It was a testament to cheese with Tony Geary kicking over the chair in the end like he’s some sort of bad ass. Sure for die hard fans, I can see why that was maybe no big deal, but for passive viewers like me it elicited huge eyerolls.

I will say that when the corporate branding dweeb decided the three shows needed a unified look that the openings for GH and OLTL improved dramatically over their immediate predecessors. As much as I may not have cared for them they were way better than openings for Y&R and other soaps. GL was OK for a while. Another World had a decent opening when it used Crystal Gale's vocals. The rest of the soap intros were like time warps to the past--in a bad way. Anyway, clearly the OLTL and GH intros were rip-offs of the AMC idea and I think the copycat approach does them a total disservice. Why not free the creative teams of each show to produce individually styled openings that showcase each shows thematic cues? Why not give them all access to orchestral arrangements capable of producing equally rich, classic instrumental pieces on par with AMC or the best shows on TV? After all, these shows air 5 times a week! That guitar theme on OLTL is so annoying and that screeching sax solo thing on GH reminds me of similar screeching sax themes from the 80s like LA Law. Even the older AMC falling pictures opening used a saxophone that today sounds dated.

It's sort of like the characters on AMC for the past couple of years. Instead of unique characterizations by a diverse cast with unique diction and articulation and look, everyone in Pine Valley looks, sounds and acts the same. They even all were the same clothes from some cheap mall store in NY. Erica is a mother whose children have children, but don't call her Grandma. She and Adam have to compete with 20 year olds for dates. Angie has even morphed into Black Annie now with the straight hair and bangs! The homogeneity of the characters is amplified by the indistinguishable intros to each show. Except for the guns, the head wounds and the occasional time warp, it’s hard to tell where one show stops and the others start. Soaps are about diversity and the creative process. ABC should give each of its soaps their own room to create an identifiably unique stamp in the Daytime lineup. I don't see Whoopi straightening out those nasty dreads and getting bangs.

I do like some of the visual cues in the GH opening-the roulette wheel behind Geary, the hospital, etc., but when did Port Charles turn into such a mega-metropolis? And what's with the creepy castle on the hill? Did those people from Passions move to Port Charles? I love the use of the actors real names--a classy touch. Better music may have won me over.

Now it’s time to re-do the OLTL intro. I just hope that when it happens, OLTL gets to strut its stuff a little so it stands out as something other than the show between the other two. It is absolutely the show on the edge of pop culture and it's opening should clearly depict that we aren't in Pine Valley anymore.

As for AMC, I feel like I've been through a war. We've been fighting for this show for years. I’m losing characters that I’ve known for 20 and 30 years. How does a soap fan put into words the connection he or she has to the characters in a show? When I’m sick at home from work, those people are always there for me! They always show up at exactly the same time to make me feel better. (Unless the weather's bad or the President needs to talk to me.) I love them and I miss them when they disappear.

Today, my beloved Brooke showed up. I doubt today's episode was outta sight exciting, but I'm ok with that. It’s a comfort that she came home for a visit. I don't need to be thrilled to the core every day. I so hope Brooke stays longer than planned, but it’s a sign things are returning to some semblance of normal. I'm still suffering from “PPT”-“Post Pratt Trauma”. I'll be having a nice day and then Shazam! I remember Brooke disappearing into the hospital elevator, the Satin Slayer, Reese kissing Zach, Zarf, Poison Pancakes, Stuart hitting the ground dead, Marian being hauled off to Oak Haven, Aidan talking to a vent, babies being held like Mufasa to a tornado ravaged sky, baby swaps, sex by candlelight, Jupiter sized Moons hovering outside Ryan’s window. I need normal on AMC for a while. The theme song and intro are the only parts of the show that haven’t been completely gutted, and I’m not ready to give them up. For now, they are sacred cows.

And you just thought I was just going to write love letters to Brooke English this week, didn’t you? One thing’s for sure, it’s not boring on AMC, OLTL and GH these days. There is a lot to discuss along with Idol and whatever else pops into your astoot minds. This is where you tell us all about it, right here. And remember, if you haven't heard last week's podcast, it's available on Itunes or the link at the bottom of last week's blog post. Funny stuff! Don't miss it!

Are You Ready?

• for AMC in HD
• for PVP on TV... Guide.ca, that is?
• for new Head Writers DK and DS?
• any other abbreviations my brain is too fried to be clever about right now?

We here at the Pine Valley Podcast are thrilled to be back! Due to various illnesses, inclement weather, etcetera, etcetera, Jordan and I have hard a hard time getting together to record our little show. But we're back, for now, and it's oh-so-grand! We love doing the podcast, and hope you enjoy it. It's our first in over three weeks - yikes! And so much has happened - our beloved James Mitchell passed, AMC started airing in HD, Lorraine Broderick's episodes started airing, Jordan and I started watching again, and, oh yeah! Shadow, Jordan and I got nominated for two Spirit Awards on TVGuide.ca, courtesy of the lovely Nelson Branco! The (soap) world is a very different place since you and I last spoke, and it's just tickling us pink.

For those of y'all who have mentioned that we've been a little, ahem, down on All My Children for, oh, the past two years or so, then this (might) be the podcast for you! Okay, so it's not all good, but it sure ain't all bad! And it's been a very, very long time since we've been able to say that.

So join us, friends, for some lively conversation and only a *little* AMC bashing! And please, please, please don't forget to tell us what you think about it all, here.

2/12/10 Podcast

My How Things Have Only Slightly Changed

Yesterday was the first day an entire AMC-LA episode aired in HD. In the past I have recorded the AMC replays on SoapNet because the city I live in airs AMC on a one day tape delay. I don’t know what it is about SoapNet, but none of its HD offerings ever look so hot to me. Y&R & GH always look a little grainy compared to their original CBS/ABC airings which are incredible. Anyway, I checked out AMC-LA-HD on Hulu and it was amazing! Everything really does look bigger, brighter, and cleaner. The sets have been nicely updated with fresh paint, roomier rooms and doors that don’t wobble. And low and behold everybody got a haircut, lost their fake tans and look great-maybe even younger. I worried about how some of the older actors would appear, but my fears were unfounded. The entire cast looked their best. The only thing that irked me was seeing Chuck Pratt’s name scroll across the screen again. I hoped HD would mark the end of Pratt’s run on AMC. Dude, take a hint!

I have to be honest about my viewing habits lately. I’ve been working like crazy and busy trying to keep up with the kids. I hurt my shoulder earlier this month and the minute I get home I pop a painkiller and let it work its magic. Even if AMC was airing fascinating stories, I’d be hard pressed to lucidly get through an entire episode so I’ve continued to skip around and fast forward as if Chuck Pratt was still there in his glory. This is how I approach AMC right now: I watch the opening to refresh my numbed mind about whatever happened the day before, then I scan the first five minutes for evidence that Chuck Pratt is still in the writing credits. If I see Pratthole’s name I mutter something vile and inappropriate and place my finger carefully on the FF button watching Madison, Frandi, JR and Marissa whiz by in a blur. I slow down to sample what’s happening if I notice the Chandlers, Opal, Tad & Liza, Greenlee & David and, like watching a trainwreck, Erica & Ryan. Anyway, I’m able to finish an entire episode in less than 10 minutes.

Because I’ve been skimming the show so liberally I’ve been reluctant to post a new blog, but the last post was getting pretty long so I’ve thrown caution to the wind. Remember though, at the time I’m writing this I’m two hours into some primo painkillers and typing with a gimpy arm so cut me some slack.

Everybody’s raving about GH and OLTL so I’ve been checking them out. There’s just no comparison between the amazing quality of the stories airing on those two shows and the crap on AMC. I have never been a member of the GH fan club, but I have to admit the parts I watched last week were chocked impressively with so much intelligent dialogue and palpable emotion. Even though I barely watch OLTL, it’s filled with tour de force performances, great comedic qualities, and lots of tender and scary moments. Watching OLTL is exhausting because you run the gamut of dramatic emotion from grief to joy. Now I’m totally jazzed about the OLTL snow storm. I was never excited about the AMC tornado, and I watch AMC everyday.

There’s just not much happening with the AMC storylines that’s grabbing my attention. These days when I watch I find myself mostly just observing the differences in the new sets and stuff like that. It’s like “OOOh, Adam got a new couch.” or “WOW, that’s a nice mantle in Liza’s apartment.” Amanda had some nice performance moments a few days ago but, honestly, I’m grasping at straws to stay interested. I feel myself slipping into a donut hole, but I’m desperately trying to hang in there until LoBro’s stories begin airing. I hear she wrote some amazing stuff for sweeps and for Brooke’s return, but good gosh bring it on already.

I should note some positives about the show so nobody thinks I’ve just turned into a hater. Granted the stories are still lame, but the dialogue is much better. The actors seem reinvigorated and it shows in their performances. Not only are they acting better they look better. Seriously, who knew KWAK’s boobs were going to look so great in HD! Her abundant HD cleavage alone almost made the investment worth it. The new Chandler and Wildwind sets are more substantial and it’s nice to see people spread out a little. Even the hospital and Tad’s place seem less claustrophobic. That’s great for Tad considering half the town is still living in his house. Having Opal around more and mixing it up with Erica and the gang on a regular basis is a blast. She gives the show a huge pick me up every second she’s on the screen.

Now that Rebecca Budig is out of bed, she looks hot and is showing some spark. It took that girl no time to ditch the Dearfoams and hospital garb and slip into a tight little suit, some stilettos and proper accessories. Who knew Nurse Gayle was such a good personal shopper? Anyway, Greenlee seems to be putting a worthy effort into her performance this time. Maybe that Bob guy she was married to was dragging her down during her last stint and the divorcee life is agreeing with her. Then again, maybe she just has an easier time working off David's slight speech impediment than Aidan’s unintelligible ramblings. David and Greenlee definitely have chemistry and whatever they do together, it should be fun. When she was with Aidan she always looked a little confused like "WTF did he just say to me?".

The Chandler’s are getting more interesting as a group and Adam looks healthy. Of course he's getting to grope Annie so it's no wonder he’s perked up. Marissa in all her Hee Haw-teeth glory still bugs me, but she gets sort of interesting when she’s pissed at David. Maybe these new writers can do something with her.

Amanda and Jake I love, but I fear AMC ran their coupling into the ground before they could rescue them from Pratt’s storyline. Again, maybe the new writers will surprise us. One thing for sure is that they need to be freed from the clutches of evil Dr. Dave and the endless baby drama.
Forgive me for slipping back to the negative but I’m sorry, Randi is the new Turd. I see no improvement there and wish she would land an amazing hair deal or contact lense deal requiring her full attention outside LA. I agree Madison may have some chemistry with Ryan, but she’s kind of a bore lurking around Fusion playing Mammie to Erica. And speaking of Ryan, Cameron needs to lay off the Botox or whatever has erased virtually every traceable line from his face! I can’t blame him for tidying up a bit for the HD premier, but his face is less expressive than Erica’s. It’s like they told him he was going to have to play with Erica’s snatch and the look on his face froze forever. Whatever the deal is with him, Lucci has never looked better. Maybe it’s one part genes, one part surgical and one part pilates, but we should all be so lucky to look so phenomenal at her age. I think something about this move and HD has refreshed her entire appearance.

It’s been a while since LA has been so enamored with a celebrity like the city has fawned over Susan Lucci. They have rolled out the red carpet for her and I’m so happy to see her get the proper respect she deserves. ABC is incredibly lucky to have her. Let’s face it, she’s the most recognizable face in daytime and if this deal in LA flies, ABC should kiss her ass.

So that’s it. Not much to say about the show itself while we continue to wait out this transition.

The two most important things to note are this:

First, AMC lost a legend when James Mitchell died. Just the fact that he was on the show for 30 years is amazing. Just try to think of someone you know who has held a job anywhere nearly that long. I loved Palmer and the entire Courtland clan. They were introduced to AMC when the show expanded from 30 minutes to 60. I could go on and on about him and my favorite Palmer stories, but our own AMPHITRION said it so beautifully in the blog:

When a great soap actor dies, we mourn twice. First, we mourn for the man, but also we grieve for the character. James Mitchell was a remarkable, accomplished, and incredibly talented actor, teacher and dancer. Palmer Cortland was one of the greatest characters in the history of daytime. I am sad the world has lost this great man and these two souls. I will miss them both.

Secondly, regular PVP poster AZGAL’s mother died this past week. Although we never met her mother, we all understand how much the loss of a parent means to a person. I wish I had words that could lessen AZGAL’s sadness right now, but at least she knows that she and her family are in our thoughts and prayers as they grieve.

So what’s on your mind? Feel free to spill the details right here.

Compare & Contrast

Mixed opinions, here, but we have taken a little flak for our One Life to Live coverage. I mean, we are called The Pine Valley Podcast. We get it, people. We hear you. We just can't help ourselves, though. One Life just does it better. Take the following:

• One Life has mature adults screwing maturely (e.g. Bo and Nora); AMC has Tad and Liza making out in front of teens and hired help.
• One Life at least attempts to respect the truth of a woman's fertility cycle (where Stacy actually has to account for the month delay in her pregnancy); AMC's Amanda has a 6-month fertile period. (Her ovum are very, very hearty.)
• One Life has folks who have to apartment hunt when they have no place to live; AMC just puts everyone in Greenlee's old apartment (or the Santos/Grey mansion).
• One Life has great stories and characters; AMC has... great hairstylists? Nice sets?

Ouch. Okay, so maybe that last one was harsh. We're here to tell the honest truth, people. This is our show, and we need to hold the a-holes in charge to a much higher standard. Thoughts? Opinions? Give us yours, here.

1/15/10 Podcast

Forty and Feeling... No So Fabulous

We watched this week, dear viewers. And we were excited to watch! After all, it was an anniversary show - the 40th Anniversary of our beloved All My Children. How badly could anyone screw that up? Even Pratthole! I mean, all you have to do is show some classic clips, feature the amazing veterans you had come back (Julia Barr, Kelly Ripa, Taylor Miller, Laurence Lau, Eva LaRue, to name the best), and voila! A show even Ashley and Jordan could love!

I truly, truly hate to say it, but we didn't love it. Like most of y'all, we were disappointed. We wanted to love it! We wanted to rally behind it! Alas, our love was not meant to be. Oh Lorraine, Lorraine - you can't come back too soon!

Take a listen to our latest, then give a hella holla, if you like, here.

1/8/10 Podcast

Happy New Show!

It's a New Year, and (let's hope) a new show for our All My Children.

We've taped a new podcast for you, our beloved listeners, marking the end of an era and the beginning of a new one. We haven't watched much, we admit, but we'll be watching this year, the 40th year of All My Children, and the first year back for our beloved Lorraine Broderick.

We hope you'll stick with us as we attempt to keep our own little show going - babies, unemployment, ghetto neighborhoods - and we promise to (try to) watch again. And why wouldn't we? There's much - finally - to look forward to.

So pop the cap on the malt liquor, kick up those hootchie heels, and join the fun. And, oh yeah! Don't forget to leave those ass-toot comments of yours here.

12/25/09 Podcast

I Gotta Feeling....

We here at the Pine Valley Podcast are thrilled about the new developments at our beloved All My Children. "Chuck Pratt Out, Lorraine Broderick In" are just about the greatest 6 words I've personally ever heard uttered (next to "It's a girl... It's a boy!", of course).

We celebrated by writing a little ditty, so rather than try to top Shadow's ass-toot (more like brilliant) post last week, we'll just sing our joy. It speaks for itself, I think.

We hope you'll chime in too with your joy, here.

11/25/09 Podcast

-------------------

I Gotta Feeling

By Ashley B. Mendoza and Jordan Hudson (sort of)

I gotta feeling

All My Children is gonna be alright

Now that Pratt’s gone it’s gonna be out of sight!

How I prayed for this day with all my might!

Such a Pratthole

Ruined my show

Kiss my ass Pratthole

Oh please just go

Lorraine is back

She’ll save the day

Now if just Fronsie

Would go uh-WAY!

ABCs on the attack

Now that Chuck Pratt is gone

We can get our show back

I feel so damn happy

Even Aidumb I’d blow

Now if Randi and Liza

Would be the next to go!

Pratthole is gone

Mazel tov!

Dutch oven Pratthole

Just get get -- off

Get off my show

You piece of dung

Let a real writer

Show how it’s done!

Lorraine do it

Lorraine do it

Lorraine do it

Lorraine do it again!

Lorraine do it

Lorraine do it

Lorraine do it

Lorraine do it again!

Lorraine do it

Lorraine do it

Lorraine do it

Lorraine do it again!

Lorraine do it

Lorraine do it

Lorraine do it

Lorraine do it again!

DON’T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE PRATTHOLE!!

Prattostrophic. Prattastrophe. The Tornado. Dr. Sinclair. Randi. Di. Marissa. Dr. Evil. Relentless Annie. Stuart. Headwounds. Comas. The Cougar.

It began with a storm of epic proportions-the Tornado that was to wipe the Pine Valley canvas clean, reboot AMC and re-energize the ABC daytime lineup. Ironically, all we lost was Kendall’s seaside cabin and The Comeback. Even Babe is still around, sort of. The real damage wasn’t the tornado, it was the relentless stupidity of Head Writer Chuck Pratt whose path of destruction, misogyny, disrespect, carelessness and ineptitude has been limitless and titanic.

I have to hand it to our very own Jordan Hudson. He called it from the start. He was familiar with Chuck Pratt and predicted how we would suffer under the hell of Pratt’s pen. It quickly became apparent to the rest of us the minute we found out Bianca was pregnant with her sister’s husband’s baby. And it all just imploded after that as promising stories bombed and offended: Taylor, Brot and Jake; Who Shot Stuart; the Dance-a-thon; and infamously, Bianca and Reese. All fine, even brilliant actors in the roles couldn’t save the randomly idiotic plot points. It’s been a brilliantly explosive and excruciating nosedive into the toilet for a show rich in history, esteemed for its social relevance and beloved for its actors and the legacy put forth by the legendary Agnes Nixon. In fact, Erica actually scrubbed the toilet with Annie’s bangs if I recall correctly.

But suddenly something happened. Somebody woke up and started paying attention and holding people accountable. Somebody put down their crack pipe and, in a moment of clarity, realized that a huge opportunity with the 40th anniversary was about to be squandered. It was announced that Julia Barr is returning. For however brief a stint it may be, it was a huge announcement. Hayley, Mateo, Nina, Greg, Maria, Lily, Bianca will be there all played by the fan faves who originated the characters. Coming on the heels of Aidan’s merciful departure and Colby’s recast, our imaginations ran wild with speculation of the possibilities, but it was hard to ignore the fact that Pratt is still writing for the show. If Susan Lucci and Debbi Morgan can’t spin this shit into gold, how could any of them do it? More than likely we would watch the 40th in anticipation only to feel cheated in the end with people who sound and look the part, but act more like people out of Stepford Wives or pods from Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Let’s face it, Pratt never got it. Why would this be any different? I figured the 40th would be the end for me--a good point to thank the actors for caring enough to try and just wave goodbye to a show I’ve loved for literally as long as I can remember—almost the entire run of the show.

Then came the news that Pratt has been released from his duties as head writer followed by the doozie that Lorraine Broderick will be writing through the transition. I always said we fans would weather Pratt’s storm, but I was this close to giving up. When you love something, you go out of your way to make time for it. In my life, I have skipped school and work for this show, stayed up way too late, procrastinated on completing tasks of far greater significance, just to tune in and catch up with my Pine Valley friends and neighbors. It just wasn’t worth it anymore. But suddenly my hope has been restored. I don’t know who to thank, but if you are reading this, even if you were the one who brought Pratt to town, I forgive you and I thank you for having the courage to make this change. I don’t really care why or how it came to be. I just appreciate the fact that it appears that maybe you are paying attention and taking charge. While I am grateful and I really want to acknowledge all of the incredibly wonderful changes taking place, there is one very significant truth that still has to be dealt with:

All My Children still freaking sucks.

It’s horrendous. As we speak Annie is in a coma. David Hayward is holding Amanda’s womb hostage. Madison is hiding in a closet somewhere. JR is still bald. Aidan hasn’t left. Randi is still alive. AMC can’t course correct fast enough. ABC needs to swallow the bitter pill, pony up the money and rewrite, reshoot and reinvent this show STAT! Don’t even waste time trying to make sense out of Pratt’s bullshit. Just drop his stories and characters like yesterday’s Taylor Thompson. Poof! Make it all disappear.

Control. Alt. Delete. Reboot!

It’s the holidays. I’d rather watch ‘best of’ compilations, classic reruns, and reunion shows where people just get together, exchange pleasantries and eat cookies than see anymore episodes where Annie acts crazy, Aidan acts jealous, David acts evil, Adam acts feeble, Erica acts horny, Jessie acts stupid, Tad bores me to death, and anyone suffers blunt trauma to the head. Give Lorraine free reign and support to do her thing. Tell me when we can expect to start seeing the results of her influence because until I know for sure that Pratt’s material is finished and her material has started, I’m not watching.

So WooHoo Pratt is gone! Hip Hip Hooray Colby’s been recast! Three cheers for Julia Barr’s return! And all that other good stuff.

But it don’t mean shit until Pratt disappears from Pine Valley for good.

What’s going through your minds? What characters should Lorraine bring back? Share your hopes, thoughts and wishes right here.

The Best of Both Worlds

So - we couldn't take it anymore.

An hour of All My Children "discussion," and 5 minutes of One Life to Live? Sorry to disappoint y'all that listen to The Pine Valley Podcast exclusively for our ass-toot AMC commentary, but we had to expand the show. I mean, c'mon now - I think even the cruelest of folks wouldn't expect us here at the 'Cast to watch (anymore) so you don't have to! I've got two babies waking up every hour to eat, and that torture still ain't worse than 5 hours of All My Children every week!

So let us know what you think. Oh yeah - and help us come up with a new name. Y'all are clever, and I got Mommy-brain. So do your thing, darling bloggers, here. (Can't wait to hear what you come up with!)

11/13/09 Podcast

The Power of Positive Thinking

• AMC Head Writer Chuck Pratt discovers that Adam killed Stuart!
• Frankie and Randi are free of Madison! (Or are they?)
• J.R. and Marissa get hitched, and, with the money they're saving on J.R.'s hair gel, the adorable couple makes plans for the future!
• Little Emma blackmails her mommy. ¡Qué cute!

Ick.

Folks, I just don't know what to say anymore. I think I've been beaten into submission. I'm done. From what other boards seem to be saying, All My Kids is, like, totally awesome right now! And I don't have it in me in this post to argue. I did plenty of that in this week's cast.

Warning: this is another (mostly) negative podcast. Don't say you haven't been warned.

And don't forget: while I don't love AMC right now, I love me some PVP bloggers! All are welcome, so please, come on in for a visit here!

10/23/09 Podcast

Oh Man, I Got Nothin'

I have to admit, when Ashley asked if I would post a new blog this week, my first thought was "Oh shit, I'm busted". You see, I haven't watched much since the last time I posted during the dance-a-thon. Sure, I've caught a few minutes here and there, but mostly I've kept up through your astoot comments, the blog, the podcast and spoilers. Honestly, I don't feel like I've missed much. From what I can tell, very little has really happened on the show. Nobody on the show has really accomplished anything or grown as a person. The show's just treading water waiting for the move. The drama off screen regarding the move has been far more interesting, but my interest in that is even beginning to fade. Rebecca Budig is coming back. Woohoo.

Anyway, I thought I should try to say something really positive about the show--at least just one thing. Not much there for me right now though. About all I'm hanging onto these days is, "Nice theme song". Anyway, this show has been dissected over and over again by some of the best minds in the soap business. Twitter is a'buzz with the FIRE PRATT petition that is circulating. So what am I going to write about that hasn't been said over and over again the past few weeks?

How about a poem? Well it seemed like a good idea at first. The problem was finding my inspiration. Ryan and Erica? Ick. Annie and Adam. Vomit. Randi? Be serious. No the only thing that sort of inspired me was my total detestation of head scribe Chuck Pratt. Right away the rhymes starting whirling inside my brain, "Hickory Dickory Dock. Chuck Pratt can suck my....". However, I remembered that Ashley likes to keep this PG and I already said "shit" in the first sentence so I gave up on that ditty. After pondering this for the better part of a few seconds, I was able to put together this little number to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies:

Come and listen to a story ‘bout a hack named Pratt
There is no worse writer, he’s a total ass hat
He is killing All My Children, makes me wonder WTF
Why won’t the network get rid of this guy Chuck?

Pratt that is, Charles Pratt, Pratthole.

Well the first thing you know when his writing hit the air
Viewers said, “Chuck get away from there”
Said Melrose Place is the place you ought to be
Then Frons loaded up the show, moved it to Los Angeleeze.

Hollywierd, that is. Andrita Studios. HD.

Well now it’s time to say goodbye to Pratt and all his kin.
To Judy Blye Wilson, Frons, Crapputhers and Brianne
They aren't invited back again to stay in Pine Valley
Even when it starts broadcasting in HDTV

Haul ass, that is. Suck it, We dutch oven you!

Take Denise Vasi, y'hear?

I don't even know if that made sense, but it made me smile a little. Who doesn't love the Hillbillies theme song? How are you all coping with the state of AMC right now? Let's commiserate with each other, right here.

Please Don't Feed the Animals

If you're wondering what the hell that means, click here. (Scroll down to the part about AMC and Nelson Branco's boycott of "one of the worst shows in the history of television." Meow!)

We're back this week, folks, and no, we didn't watch. With two babies and severe sleep deprivation, I literally cannot - and will not - sacrifice almost 5 hours a week to this drivel.

Lots to discuss besides the crapola and bull-ca-ca that Pratt has wreaked on our Pine Valley - like, for example, rumors of Becky Budig's return, Thorsten and Alicia's certain exit, Dorothy Lyman back as Opal?, and lots of other fun stuff!

We miss you all lots, and even if we're not posting (or watching) every week, we're still loving the PVP community! All are welcome, so stop by here.

10/02/09 Podcast