Super Genius

Chuck Pratt's genius inspires amazing stories this month, like

• The Satin Slayer returns to shock Pine Valley with his terrifying ramblings!
• Liza returns - and she's got a shockingly hot vagina!
• Brot and Taylor sizzle as Brot travels the country making speeches!
• Krystal has a shocking secret - and a surprisingly large PayPal balance!

(Oy.)

You've done it - you've truly inspired us. Between Shadow's now mandatory signoff ("Fire Chuck Pratt!") to Ms. Casey Shameless' (et al!) purposeful use of the "Fire Pratt!" photo to Susan and Elyse's tireless "Fire Charles Pratt!" efforts, we're hoping to inspire a movement. With the help of our uber-talented Louie2K, we'll be promoting FirePratt.com, and we hope you'll spread the word. More on this to come, but for now, we'll take whatever else you've got to say (you know we want to hear it), here.

5/1/09 Podcast

AAARRGGH!!!!

WARNING: THIS PODCAST CONTAINS SCREAMING. PLEASE - DO NOT LISTEN WITHOUT EASY ACCESS TO THE VOLUME CONTROLS ON YOUR AUDIO DEVICES. HEARING LOSS MAY RESULT.

• "Liza" is back, and she's unrecognizable in every way.
• Zach and Kendall are a hot mess.
• Ryass continues to be Ry-assy, while Ins-Annie gets Ins-Annier, and Aidumb gets Aidumber.
• Erica continues to stun us with her fabulousness.
• Brot and Taylor who?

Sorry for the late 'cast this week, folks. Family affairs took away from our podcast time. There's loads to talk about people (dead Chandlers, anyone?), so please: do what you all do best, here!

4/24/09 Podcast

Sex & Tornadoes

• Liza, er, we mean, Jamie Luner, effs her way back into Pine Valley (and it's with Zach, no less).
• Krystal seems back to her old self as she betrays David on the stand.
• Jake's rescue-complex kicks in (or maybe it's just guilt?).
• Jesse and Angie make love. (Ahh... Now that's good soap!)

The folks at All My Children have done it again. They've introduced (or reintroduced) a female character by having her boff her way onto the screen. Is that all Chuck Pratt knows? Sex and tornadoes? A thousand Romans can't be wrong! We're all saying the same thing, people! Is this man just too dazzled by his own "brilliance" that he thinks that his pen shits roses? And somehow, he's gotten the top brass at ABC to believe that. Oy.

If you haven't already, you must check out the Pratt Falls series on YouTube. These brilliant gals are saying it all, and much more brilliantly than we ever could. What do you think? We want more, more, MORE of your thoughts here!

4/17/09 Podcast

He's Baa-aack!

After a 6-month break from All My Children, Taylor Crawford, the co-founder of The Pine Valley Podcast is our guest host this week. (And he's none too excited about the "changes" he's seen.) Among the gems:

• Annie isn't really crazy - it's all her brother's fault that she killed and killed again and again.
• Zach and Kendall are clearly on the outs. (So much so that they kiss this week.)
• David Hayward obsesses over his genetic material, whilst Krystal remains "missing."
• Erica Kane has been to paradise, but she's never been to me.

We didn't discuss on the podcast, but our Chuck Pratthole has been all the buzz on DaytimeConfidential.com. The di&#wad sucked it again: first, he sets up Jamie "No A$$ Kisser" Luner for a huge fall with his stoopit comments, then blames the hot mess of a lesbian wedding storyline on Eden Riegel! What a di&#! What do you think? Let us know, here.

(Huge thanks again to Taylor Crawford for his fun appearance this week. Jordan "Toodles" Hudson will be back next week - it wouldn't be the PVP without him!)

4/10/09 Podcast

72 Seasons of Love

• No, we're not talking about All My Children, but it's relevant: Guiding Light was cancelled this week, and soaps fans everywhere are mourning.

What more is there to say? Guiding Light did everything right as far as we can tell, and the ax still fell. What does this mean for our little show, which doesn't feel very right lately? For more on this and other crazy-ass soap news (Kathy Brier getting fired from OLTL? Alexander Cambias, Sr. coming back to AMC?), go to DaytimeConfidential.com for their amazing daytime coverage, and to AMC Superposter for his amazing AMC spoilers. After you're done reading, don't forget to leave your comments with us. We're not the only ones with ass-toot observations!

4/3/09 Podcast

Did We Miss Something?

• Kendall and Ryan are in love again (in less than a few weeks after Greenlee's death).
• Adam is sick and missing.
• Jesse and Angie are foster parents.
• Frankie and Rancid miss their flight to Hawaii.
• InsAnnie and Aidumb are MIA. (I'm not so bummed about this one, actually.)

Lots of story blanks for the viewers to fill in this week, Mr. Pratt(hole)! I serisouly feel like I'm watching half-asleep. It's getting so bad, I seem to miss even the things that are happening onscreen! Discuss, here.

Thanks once again to Louie2K for his amazing opening themes, to DaytimeConfidential.com for their amazing daytime coverage, and to AMC Superposter for his amazing AMC spoilers. And don't forget: send your questions to us at pvp@pinevalleypodcast.com. We love hearing from you!

3/27/09 Podcast

Cartoon Scenes & Overdone Schemes....

• Ryan has sex with Kendall. (That's fine, though, 'cuz Greenlee said it's, like, totally okay.)
• A-Mam-Da has a totally awesome idea about, like, how to save her kid.
• Yet another custody battle, and this time, David and Krystal are twirling their mustaches.
• Randi. Must. Go.

What else can we say? (Sigh.) I'd much rather talk about our friends: thanks to Louie2K for this week's totally awesome opening theme, to DaytimeConfidential.com for a totally awesome interview last week, and to AMC Superposter for "spoiling" All My Children "so we don't have to!" (Get it?)

Y'all can fill in the rest of the blanks (as you always so capably do) here. (And send your questions to us at pvp@pinevalleypodcast.com. We'll try to answer a few during next week's show - we promise!)

3/20/09 Podcast

We Watched, But We Didn't 'Cast

Sorry, folks. For this week's podcast, I tried to get a substitute for Jordan (who's just finishing up his project), but a) Taylor stopped watching in protest, and b) Pedro claimed he had frostbite. I reminded Pedro that this week NYC averaged 50 degrees, and his Birkies plus light socks would have kept him nice and warm. Then Pedro starting mumbling something about putting together a Janis Joplin decoupage for the Burning Man Festival, and I just gave up because the word "decoupage" has not been covered in the Reader's Digest Large Print Edition yet and I didn't have a sassy answer for him.

But here's the thing: on Thursday, March 19th, Jordan and I are taping our first Daytime Confidential interview! That'll be up sometime this week, I think, and you can find it on iTunes, or just head on over to the Daytime Confidential website.

Speaking of Daytime Confidential, our friend AMC Superposter is now writing and posting AMC spoilers for their website. Of course, the PVP remains spoiler-free, but for y'all who miss them, Superposter will fill in the blanks for you. Go to http://daytimeconfidential.com/2009/03/all-my-children-spoilers-0 for the latest AMC news.

Finally, I'M SICK OF PRATT! (Sorry. I yelled again.) Does he really expect us to believe that Krysal would go along with this Lil' A custody bullcrap? How the eff can Bobbie Eakes act this shit? And doesn't Vincent Irizarry want to throw up every time he reads what David has to do and say? (And did David actually threaten to KILL A-Mam-da? What the????)

Doesn't Pratt know we've seen crap this a THOUSAND times before (and done much better, I might add). It's just too depressing. Please cheer me up folks, here.

(And keep sending your questions to us at pvp@pinevalleypodcast.com. We love them!)

Jive Talkin'

• Adam and J.R. continue to call A-Mam-da 4- and 5-letter words.
• Jerkson jerks his way through his speech for his dead daughter, Greenlee.
• Aidumb mumbles sweet nothings to his spicy new lady friend, InsAnnie.
• Once again, Zach grumbles his way through the Pine Valley Police Station.
• Ryan continues to grit his teeth (and nothing much continues to come out of his mouth).

We're still a little down in the dumps here at the Pine Valley Podcast. Are we being too hard on our little show? You can be honest - we can take it. Let 'er rip, here. (And send your questions to us at pvp@pinevalleypodcast.com. You keep sendin' 'em, we'll keep answerin' 'em!)

3/06/09 Podcast

You Call These Cliffhangers??

• Adam knows Kendall's secret - oh!
• Krystal tells David she wants to marry him - my goodness!
• J.R. sees A-Mam-da embrace Jake - crazy!
• Ryan "cries" over Greenlee - amazing!

Oh listeners.... How quickly things change! From a fairly decent week of daytime drama last week, we get little better than a diaper commercial this week. (Scratch that - I love that Huggie's Pull-Ups commercial!) I'd be depresssed if I wasn't so pissed about it. What do you think? Tell us, here. (And send your questions to us at pvp@pinevalleypodcast.com. We love 'em!)

2/27/09 Podcast

A Ray of Hope

• Reese and Boobianca break up! (World's shortest marriage, anyone?)
• Greenlee is dead (we think)!
• Dr. Shericlair almost dies!
• Kendall tells it like it is!
• Ry-ass grits his teeth!
• Aidumb mumbles!

People! All My Children was good last week! And contrary to what I' m starting to read on our supa-blog, I enjoyed the Oscars, too -- especially the beautiful Melissa Leo and Amanda Seyfried, two very talented AMC alumnae. Let's dish, here. (And keep those questions coming by emailing us at pvp@pinevalleypodcast.com.)

2/20/09 Podcast

Just You and I?

• Bianca and Reese state their vows before the world. (Too bad Reese broke hers before the wedding.)
• Kendall rips that a-hole Zach a new one, and for the first time in months, I'm cheering at the TV screen instead of throwing chancletas at it.
• Poor Greenlee might be dead.
• Rebecca is dead - finally!
• Krystal and David? I just really don't care.

Your ass-toot questions and commentary made my weeks off from all of you bearable! Thanks for sticking with us, and keep the questions coming at pvp@pinevalleypodcast.com. (And feel free, as always, to leave your ass-toot observations on our rockin' blog here.)

2/13/09 Podcast

A Whole New World

• Kendall wakes up -- to a whole new Pine Valley!
• Reese gives her (bitchy) mom what-for -- and Jordan doesn't like it one bit!
• Erica throws a wedding shower, La Kane style.
• AMamDa contemplates the complexities of Roe vs. Wade.
• Krystal and David screw all over David's white couch after Tad throws that heifer out of his house.

More questions, more questions! Anything to get us through this rut that Jordan and I are feeling, courtesy of the latest developments at All My Children. E-mail them to us at pvp@pinevalleypodcast.com, and of course, leave your ass-toot observations here.

1/30/09 Podcast

We All Make Our Beds and We Have To Lie in 'Em

• Kendall gets her damn heart, Josh Madden be damned.
• Erica "mourns" Josh by "weeping inconsolably."
• A"mam"da is preggers, and a "Baby-Daddy" mystery ensues. (And those mammaries will only get bigger as the pregnancy progresses. Yowza!)
• Something happens to InsAnnie where she "holds" Aidan's hand through a vent and Dr. Sinclair yells at her or something.

We're back to the AMC blues, baby. We're frustrated and not-so-hopeful. What will happen to our beloved AMC? To us? Cheer us up, darlings, here.

1/23/09 Podcast

Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right

• Josh Madden goes down, along with All My Children's ratings.
• In a shocking turn of events, Frankie figures out that Randi was a hooker!
• Reese and Boobianca patch things up with an air-kiss.
• Krystal goes cuckoo for Tic-Tacs on the stand!

We had so much fun answering your questions this week! Feel free to keep them coming, and share anything else that's on those beautiful minds of yours, here.

1/16/09 Podcast

I Think I Lust You

• That milk-'ho Krystal sleeps with David, and gets busted for it. (Hallelujah!)
• Amanda sleeps with J.R., and it this case, I'm glad we don't see it.
• Greenlee and Ryan slurp their way through the week, and it ain't pleasant.
• And a special mention to Opal, who gives the Performance of the Week as the Mother Lion protecting her cub, Tad.

We're so happy to be back this week, people! We thought it'd be fun to get as interactive as our not-so-technologically advanced equipment will allow. If y'all happen to have any questions for us, we'd be happy to answer (we think). If not, feel free to go on and post, well, anything else your little heart desires! Either way, do your thing as only you all do, here.

1/09/09 Podcast

Happy New Year!

Yowza, people! Almost 300 posts in the last two weeks!

Since I think we're running out of space on this blog entry, let's just make another entry, shall we? Your ass-toot comments blow us away, and we don't want to miss a-one.

Jordan and I will be back with a podcast up next Monday with oh-so-much to say about the holiday festivities (All My Children and otherwise). Thank you, thank you, thank you for supporting our little podcast this past year, and for all of the love and insight and friendship you have shared on this blog. We don't know what we would have done without you.

Enough sappiness! Krystal Carey -- grieving, confused mother, or lying cheating whoo-ah who doesn't deserve the crud on Tad's shoes? Discuss, here.

Now Who Will Lead Our Carnival?

Now who will lead our carnival? And who will make us stronger?
Who will mend our broken sleep when she is here no longer?

For who's part do we stand and bow? What stories do we tell?
And will we memorize the day when great and greatness fell?

Say will this valley overcome, and will these shadows fade?
And will we lift our eyes to see the beauty that she made?

The disappearing last of her that leads to worlds unknown
Has left a path to softly tread when sadness wanders home.

I'll meet thee where the highland winds divide wild mountain tyne,
Where I will be forever yours and you, forever mine.

This week was our Myrtle week. Though we were mixed on the tribute show last Friday, we were glad to see our great dame honored. But with the gaping hole our Myrtle has left, where will we find the heart of the show? Boobianca's sperm-stealing antics take her out of the running. So who will it be? Maybe a new executive producer will come to the rescue? Lots of rumors, folks, and we know you'll keep all of us posted here. (I know I'll be sure to check out Superposter's blog for all of the latest.)

Have a grand holiday, and we'll see you next year!

12/19/08 Podcast

My Milkshake is Better Than Yours

• Krystal is a 'ho for a mug of hot milk. (I love that line, Norn!)
• Why-oh-why can't Rebecca just die?
• Greens and Ryan continue to bore, whilst InsAnnie continues to delight.
• Brot and Taylor are doing their thing, while poor Jake turns into a misogynistic mess.

First of all, Luis gave us another bangin' PVP intro song -- muchas gracias, Luis! Secondly, I just read the spoilers for All My Children for 2009, and I'm pissed. These folks really don't give a shit about this show -- if you choose to read them, I'm sure you'll agree. What the hell do we do, people? Do a show every week complaining about how bad AMC is? You gotta help us here, folks. Jordan and I want to keep doing this podcast, but this is getting friggin' ri-dick! Help us, please!, here.

12/12/08 Podcast

We (Got) Back!

• You know it's a sad state of affairs when Cameron Mathison's thong is the highlight this week on our beloved All My Children.
• Brot just doesn't love Taylor anymore - so much so, that he's stalking her.
• Krystal is back to her old whorish tricks (and we're diggin' how psychotic it all is).
• Randi and Colby need to go. Period.

We're back! I've been missing y'all -- Jordan's been representin' on the blog, but I'm back now, and for a while until the holidays. Speaking of the holidays, ABC really is trying to get us all into the holiday mood. What would your holiday gift be to the viewers who watch All My Children? I know what my holiday wishes for the viewers would be, but I'd much rather hear yours. Spread your holiday cheer, people, here.

12/5/08 Podcast